Do you believe your nanny was really sick? Does she normally come every day? That doesn't sound fair to dock her pay if she's sick. If she has something contagious she could pass it on to all of you. I know that's all beside the point, but we have to respect the people who take care of our kids. Too bad your husband said that and went back to bed. Moms never get a day off. Why should dads get that? The double standard alone is enough to drive one to consider divorce without even an affair.
Anyway it sounds like a hard life you're living with your husband. You don't necessarily have to choose between that and being a totally single mom, right? You could get an Au Pair to live with you in addition to the nanny so you have around-the-clock coverage. Surely you have your mom or a sister or aunt who can stay with you sometimes. Or you could get a daily cleaning lady or cook. Any of those sound better for your sanity than expecting anything from your husband.
I hope reactivating the divorce case ends this long period of uncertainty and pain. Either it will really end or your husband will take a radical, drastic approach to save the marriage when he see's you're serious and you'll have the power to say no or set extreme demands.
I hope it gets easier in a different way from this point. I also hope your kids are doing ok. I hope there'll be a happy ending to your story somehow....maybe the step parent possibility someday will give you the complete family you deserve.
