WW, A ended, but struggling to reconnect (My 11th)

[hoosjim]

You need to change things up.

Yeah, in some ways I agree. I am decisive/adept/etc in most of those areas with her-- fixing things, moving things, plans stuff for the family and for us, but not yet so much in romance, although i conduct myself confidently in the things we DO do.

Only thing is I don't want to come on too strong on the romance too soon... but is that just being stupid at this point? When we were dating I would have (and did do) all of those kinds of things-- always coming up with different things to do, romantic little getaways, etc. But... things are different now(?) This is really the tightrope I am walking here. If this were ANY OTHER GIRL...I'd be doing things differently. But maybe I shouldn't be approaching it that way? IDK.

Here's a little tidbit and maybe it is misleading as it is from the "Devil's mouth" (her bff), but... way back in September (and we were not even quite 2 months in to "no contact" and A recovery, etc, and she and definitely bff had had the "this outside relationship should not be an impediment to figuring things out with your M" mindset), bff had told her shortly before our own anniversary when I had had talk with W about not feeling comfortable at that point "celebrating" the date even as I wanted us to recognize it (this was all in one of my threads) that: "Well, at the point you guys are at in the process, he should have had something planned..." Now, maybe that's just bff rabble rousing against me. And maybe it's just stupid because no way was our timeline that far along at that point (or maybe W thought it was or should be?) but maybe a grain of truth there as well.

I know she wants that... as an abstraction. But would me making that move at this point be a positive or negative?

Valentines Day coming up... maybe for that(?) I had been going to give her a weekend away at a ski lodge for V-Day, but hadn't thought about what to actually do on the day, go out or whatever. Be interested in takes, here.

Also, Sandi2, if you're out there, sounded like you had plenty to say... I am still eager to hear!

HJ