You are still looking at your wife as the wife you knew before the bomb drop. Yes, the physical body is your wife's, but she's mentally not your wife completely. You have to find a way to look at her and the relationship as all being brand new. Neither of you are the same people you were before. You both have wounds and those wounds have to heal. She's still got a lot of work to do and you have to keep your expectations at zero. If you don't, you are going to be disappointed, frustrated and eventually will have resentment and anger build up.
Trying to reconcile w/someone in crisis is very difficult and it requires a lot, and I do mean a lot, of patience. Things can't go back to the way they were w/a simple okay. It took years for her to get where she's at right now and it's going to take a long time to recover from this crisis. So, get your duct tape out, boxing gloves and the STFU smoothies and the shovel for digging for more patience because you are going to need all of those items to get through the next few months.
Try to remember, she's not the person you once knew...she's now a friend/roommate for a while and this is a brand new relationship that both of you are exploring.
