Gordie #17: deliberately not divorced

[Gordie]

Job:

You are still looking at your wife as the wife you knew before the bomb drop. Yes, the physical body is your wife's, but she's mentally not your wife completely. You have to find a way to look at her and the relationship as all being brand new. Neither of you are the same people you were before.

G: yes, I need to find that way but I am ******* lost!!!

Job: You both have wounds and those wounds have to heal. She's still got a lot of work to do and you have to keep your expectations at zero. If you don't, you are going to be disappointed, frustrated and eventually will have resentment and anger build up.

G: agree, wise words

Job: Trying to reconcile w/someone in crisis is very difficult and it requires a lot, and I do mean a lot, of patience. Things can't go back to the way they were w/a simple okay. It took years for her to get where she's at right now and it's going to take a long time to recover from this crisis. So, get your duct tape out, boxing gloves and the STFU smoothies and the shovel for digging for more patience because you are going to need all of those items to get through the next few months.

G: I agree and I take to heart cali’s words that it probably can’t be done. Either she can focus on self or me/us and she is clearly focused on the former at present. That’s okay with me and probably better from what y’all are telling me.

Job: Try to remember, she's not the person you once knew...she's now a friend/roommate for a while and this is a brand new relationship that both of you are exploring.

G: and right now, I am just trying to give her space...lots of space. I’m working on a non R not a new R at present. Maybe one day we’ll be able to work on a new R.