Gordie #17: deliberately not divorced

[Gordie]

Mach1:

Emotionally ??

She isn't, and hasn't been for a long time...

G: agree.

Mach1:

However...

You are still reacting to, and on, the emotional connection that USED to be there....

You are still trying to apply the "rules of marriage" in how you interact with her...

Treating her like your "wife" , isn't fair to either of you..

G: why do you think that? That I am treating her like my wife? We don’t spend much time together. We don’t talk much. We don’t sleep together. We barely touch each other.

Mach1:

You have to be, everything that DB entails...

You have to "love" her with a new set of eyes..

And I am prolly sukcing at trying to explain it to you..

G: ummm...you lost me.

Mach1:

I don't think that is it at all...

Scared ?

Yea, possibly...

Nobody except her, knows the reason, so to guess is a waste of time...

G: she said she push pause on the D but that wasn’t possible. The only thing she could do was drop or sign.

Mach1:

I dunno Gordie....

For me, I would have to have the talk with her...

I'm not sure what happened the other day, however...

It isn't normal.

We are either working to be closer, or we are working to be further apart.

I feel that we should either arrange for counseling, or we arrange to proceed with the divorce...

I am not prepared to live my life on both sides of this fence, nor will I allow myself to live with the constant threat of getting divorced.

I am prepared to spend my life with you, if you choose so, however I am also prepared to let you go if you need that...


But that's just me...


?????

G: I’ve been thinking of having some sort of talk but...I think she has already told me she is more interested in focusing on her right now...not me/us. And I do think R talks right now are pressure.

***

Another thought: right now I am only legally M as you say. There is no emotional or physical connection. Obviously, that is not what I want in a R. But I can do this today. Could I live in a loveless, sexless M for an extended period of time? I don’t know but I don’t have to answer that question today either. I am choosing to focus on me and the kids today. I do not know what will happen tomorrow. My emotional dial has been on red hot for a while. I need a break to regroup. Take the pressure off...me.