180/LRT part 2

[dusty70]

Thanks AS,Nicole, Holding and Gordie...
Sorry for long response.

How dare you drag things out of respect for your marriage, your kids and your renegade wife! What is wrong with you? You're not supposed to conduct yourself with dignity! Seriously, half the stuff that comes out of their mouths is eye-rolling worthy.

AS.... I know, can't believe this woman I loved has turned to name calling and blaming me for everything, so to date I have been accused of hiding money, dragging this D out, being a bad dad, her drinking habit, lazy, setting poor eating and lifestyle examples for the kids and so on! None of this is true, our close family and friends are blown away that she has said this about me! Guess she needs to justify her decision. Everything I do now is to protect my kids and myself, they are hurting and I am the only one seeing it.

- the realization of all the things I did wrong and wishing to have a second chance. I punished my husband so much for his affair that I became a bad wife and he avoided me until he finally left.

Nicole.... he cheated on you, I feel you have all the right to punish him for what HE did(within reason and the law. lol). My W actually told me she did this to make it easier for her to walk away(exit affair). I too wanted a second chance but I am at the point that I no longer want that. I am perfectly fine being on my own for now, my W has become someone I don't know or find attractive one bit. I will have a "second chance" just not with the person my W is now!

They both constantly ask if I'm doing ok, I thank them for caring about me but tell them everything is fine.

That's really touching that they're concerned for you. Be thankful for your awesome kids!

They don't ask this as much as they used to but from time to time. The silver lining is I've become so much closer to the three of them. I now have different things to do with each of them, to make sure I am giving them equal time and attention. They love it, I can see it in their faces!

I have finally excepted my role into the demise of our M, there were issues I've swept under the rug over the years and I'm sure she did as well. I needed to make changes to me, just wish she would have given me the chance before she went down the path she did, that does not give her the right to be wayward but I do see my share of the fault. Live and learn I guess, It will all work out!!

Ah, now we're getting down to business! I've been doing this too. I keep playing back old memories, and it upsets me that I didn't see the signs. It would have been nice to fix things in the M, but we can still fix ourselves for whatever comes next.

I didn't see the signs as well, I thought everything was fine, it has taken me months of therapy, support groups and the very kind people on this site to understand my role. I still have lots of work to do but the path seems a lot clearer.

Also, Divorce Care.... a different class(or session) about Healing. It's been good so far.

One thing that struck me. When your kids ask how you are doing, I don’t think you have to say you are fine all the time. Don’t lean on them for support, but I do think it’s okay to be honest to say I’m having a rough day, thanks for asking. How are you? They can sense when you aren’t fine which is why they ask.

Gordie.... spot on! I will tell them if I'm having a bad day, it's not always good, the good days far outweigh the bad though. When my W first moved out I was leaning on them a bit, I talked to my IC about this and she set me straight, it's now flipped the other way. My kids need me and i'm always there for them!