I told you a long time ago, that you aren't going to able to "love" her back to you...
With that, I mean that you aren't going to still look at her with the same eyes that you see your former wife with.
You aren't going to be able to apply the old rules of the dead marriage, to whatever is to happen in the future.
I hear what you are saying and I see now how I failed her: lack of attention, lack of support, lack of passion. I won’t be able to love her the same way I used to—obviously that didn’t work and she has finally spoken up to say she wants something different. Id be a fool to go back to the way things were. I was happy and on autopilot and too blind to see she was unhappy and in crisis. My changes were too little and too late.
I'm not talking about how you reflect on your past behavior.
What I am saying is...
You still see her as your wife...today....right now..
And legally ???
Yes, she is your wife...
Emotionally ??
She isn't, and hasn't been for a long time...
However...
You are still reacting to, and on, the emotional connection that USED to be there....
You are still trying to apply the "rules of marriage" in how you interact with her...
Treating her like your "wife" , isn't fair to either of you..
You have to be, everything that DB entails...
You have to "love" her with a new set of eyes..
And I am prolly sukcing at trying to explain it to you..
Originally Posted By: Gordie
Originally Posted By: Mach
So I ask you this....
How is she ever going to miss something that she hasn't "lost" ??
G: you know I hear you. So d b coach and I discussed this very point which was on the pro list for moving out. D b coach did think w almost lost me with the D and separation...and blinked. She decided she didn’t want that.
I don't think that is it at all...
Scared ?
Yea, possibly...
Nobody except her, knows the reason, so to guess is a waste of time...
I dunno Gordie....
For me, I would have to have the talk with her...
I'm not sure what happened the other day, however...
It isn't normal.
We are either working to be closer, or we are working to be further apart.
I feel that we should either arrange for counseling, or we arrange to proceed with the divorce...
I am not prepared to live my life on both sides of this fence, nor will I allow myself to live with the constant threat of getting divorced.
I am prepared to spend my life with you, if you choose so, however I am also prepared to let you go if you need that...
