New LBS - need advice

[Coconut]

are you filing as M (together), or as M filing single? If filing together, sure do the taxes, it's cheaper that way.

if filing seperately, I wouldn't do her taxes, but if you already said you would then follow through on that.

As for the house, why respond? She didn't ask you a question, she paid you a compliment. If it was in person, then sure you could state something like, I am really happy with the way it came out to.. but by email, no need.

[apothem]

Yeah, I told her I would do the taxes a couple of weeks ago because we want to see what nets us a bigger return, so I won't go back on that.

Good point, I won't respond to the house comment. I'm going to respond to her message, not the email and just say "Hi, I did get the email, thank you."

[MoveFrwd]

It's just hard for me to know when the time is right

For any note you are going to write now, probably never.
But, in general, I would say the time is right when you arent wondering. I find the best advice is that when in doubt, do nothing.

the rule of will this make my situation worse or better.

The rule of thumb should be Does this get me closer to my goal(s)? Thats a far better rule.

I also will likely be asking here as well for opinions. It can't hurt to get additional points of view.

Please do!

I've been sticking to my guns when it comes to giving her space, and yes, it's super difficult and goes against everything my reflexes are telling me. But, I know it's for the best for both her and me.

You are correct and good job. Its something you can and should be proud of.

[MoveFrwd]

Good point, I won't respond to the house comment. I'm going to respond to her message, not the email and just say "Hi, I did get the email, thank you."

If it were me I would say "Hi - I got the email. Im planning to do the taxes by xxx and Ill let you know if theres anything else I need from you. Thanks for sending this over."

[apothem]

Yeah, I probably should have said something closer to that. Oh well, what's done is done.

"Does this get me closer to my goal(s)?

I like that rule A LOT more. Thank you for that.

It's unreal how this entire situation makes me feel, but honestly, as weird as this is to say, I'm glad it happened. It gives me time to reflect on who I am and who I want to be going forward. I'm now allowed time to GAL and pursue things I haven't before. It also gives my wife one of the only things I was never able to give her: time and space.

I do truly love her and care about her. I want the best for her. If she feels that's a life without me, then so be it. I wish her the best. If she chooses a life with me, then I will continue to be Apothem 2.0. I will continue to be the best me and continue to GAL.

[apothem]

Journaling: Tonight I noticed she changed her direct deposit out of our joint account. To me it seems like one more step towards our relationship ceasing to exist. I messaged her to ask her if she also changed all of her auto bill pays out of the account, which she said she did.

But, then again, it's also one more step she's taking towards being independent, which I don't see as a bad thing.

[MoveFrwd]

I messaged her to ask her if she also changed all of her auto bill pays out of the account, which she said she did.

Really? why? This feels totally unnecessary.......

[apothem]

I messaged her to ask her if she also changed all of her auto bill pays out of the account, which she said she did.

Really? why? This feels totally unnecessary.......

The only reason I messaged her regarding the bills is because it's a relatively large sum and would likely cause my account to overdraft, which I can't afford.

[TBSakaJ9]

APO...separating accounts is part of the process. It does sting a little bit but not knowing where she is spending her money, what times of the day and at what locations will help you with the detachment process.

Just make sure you have an agreement on how the bills will get paid and who will be paying for what.

I also would not let her know it bothers you, strong, confident and happy.

[apothem]

APO...separating accounts is part of the process. It does sting a little bit but not knowing where she is spending her money, what times of the day and at what locations will help you with the detachment process.

Just make sure you have an agreement on how the bills will get paid and who will be paying for what.

I also would not let her know it bothers you, strong, confident and happy.

I do agree, it will help with detachment. We agree that I'm responsible for all of my bills, she will contribute to the cell phone plan, auto insurance, and health insurance until she gets her own.

I definitely will not be letting her know.