Gordie #17: deliberately not divorced

[Gordie]

Mach:

$10 for the thread title...

G: where do I send my bitcoins?

Mach:

I told you a long time ago, that you aren't going to able to "love" her back to you...

With that, I mean that you aren't going to still look at her with the same eyes that you see your former wife with.

You aren't going to be able to apply the old rules of the dead marriage, to whatever is to happen in the future.

G: I hear what you are saying and I see now how I failed her: lack of attention, lack of support, lack of passion. I won’t be able to love her the same way I used to—obviously that didn’t work and she has finally spoken up to say she wants something different. Id be a fool to go back to the way things were. I was happy and on autopilot and too blind to see she was unhappy and in crisis. My changes were too little and too late.

Mach:

If you love something set it free.....right ???

G: yes!!!

Mach: You have changed, you have grown, you have evolved as a person, as a friend, as a father, and HOPEFULLY......as a husband.

Thing is, when the MLCer comes through the tunnel, the LBS is leap years ahead of the MLCer in terms of relationship skills...

G: I hear what you are saying but I do think w was always way ahead of me in social skills so I had a lot of catching up to do...while she regressed into selfishness.

Mach: So, with a little luck, you are there...

You are thinking reconciliation, while she is thinking...

Ah, who the h@ll knows what she is thinking...

G: who? I sure don’t. Maybe butterfly with her crystal ball or ownit or ginger...they all seem to know what she is thinking!

Mach: I still stand behind doing what is best for Gordie, and as long as YOU understand what that is, then I back your choice...

However, my gut feeling is that you are doing what is best for everyone around you...

G: you may be right if everyone + kids. If it were just she and I, it would be so much easier to walk away. And I know...don’t use the kids as an excuse...

Mach: So I ask you this....

How is she ever going to miss something that she hasn't "lost" ??

G: you know I hear you. So d b coach and I discussed this very point which was on the pro list for moving out. D b coach did think w almost lost me with the D and separation...and blinked. She decided she didn’t want that.

Thanks Mach for looking out for me and asking the tough questions.