Quote: ... but it's a fuzzy line. This balance is the hardest thing I've yet to figure out.
You're right there, AD. I can't remember exactly, but very late in the book, Schnarch refers to it as something like walking a knife-edge. Not easy at all, and it hurts!
SuperDave diary, Monday midday. I have been trying for some time to work out what W's love language actually is and I believe I've finally found it. I have had a good weekend with lots of time spent with W and I have realised that she shows her love for me by talking to me. What I mean is if there is a conversation going on she looks me right in the eyes which I like but also if there is someone else present she mostly looks at me when she says things which I now take as a sign of love. She could easily give all her attention to the other person but she chooses to look at me even if I may not be in the conversation. I will start to do this too. If I'm talking to someone else I will keep looking at her during the conversation so she feels completely involved. I spent some time reading "His needs, Her needs" which recommends that you spend at least 15 hours per week talking to your W and that 15 hours must be undivided attention. If you don't spend at least this much time then she will lose her connection with you. Now I don't know about you but 2 hours a day of undivided attention is not going to be easy what with the TV, computer and children running around but I'm going to do the best I can. SD
SD Diary Tuesday night. I've been trying to engage W in some quality conversation. Yesterday I tried for the 2 hours but managed about 10 minutes of actual quality time. Today I don't think any of it was quality because she seems to be a bit crabby. Tomorrow she has the day off and I offered to bunk off to spend the day with her. She said she had too much to do and when I offered to help she said (firmly) "NO". I'm going to get off this forum now (11 pm) and try talking to her again. Wish me luck. SD
Have you considered that you might be pressing her too hard on the conversation thing? Might want to back off gently and approach her when she is in a better mood. Sometimes you are just too tired to talk, you know?
I think you're right Johanna. I bunked off work today to spend some quality time with her but she went shopping on her own and when she got home at about 10:30 she made it obvious I was in the way - wouldn't let me help unload the shopping etc. so I got out of the way and came to work where my copy of Passionate Marriage was waiting for me in the mail. I quickly read a few pages but workload got in the way and I think I might be a bit late home tonight. I have a feeling it is the wrong time of the month hence the frostiness (she gets bad PMT). I'll keep my distance until she feels better... SD
