Ginger, the truth is I think I'm still afraid of her. I didn't realize until months after she was gone that I was actually AFRAID of her, but damned if I wasn't. I've been told by a friend that I display symptoms of PTSD. The funny thing is hearing that just gave me one more thing to worry about.
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Posters have asked what the status of the custody thing is. Where are you at, you haven't quite answered. That seriously needs to be taken care of.
Right now we're status quo, which is I have D during the week, XW has her three weekends a month. She can see her any night during the week, but hasn't exercised that right in months. Mediation seems to have failed, and I don't know if we have another round of it, or if we go to court, etc. I've incurred enough expense that I don't bug my L unless there is an issue of immediate concern that requires specific advice or a response.
So I haven't quite answered because I don't know anything.