Sounds to me like the yes was what was violating her integrity. She REALLY wanted to say NO. From my understanding, I would have taken that as a cue to have an open and non-confrontational discussion with her about WHY she wanted to say "no". It would have SEVERELY tested my ability to hold onto myself..
Good point. It took everything I had just to ask her. Actually I might have over-dramatized this but it still made for a good example of how to handle the situation according to PM. She only "tensed" a little which was what led me to offer her some "outs". But opening the discussion would have probably been better because it would have been an "uncomfortable" moment in front of the TV instead of in the bed. Right-e-o tim. I should have handled it differently. I guess there was an underlying fear. Man this will be tough.
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Again, maybe so, but there's a difference between self-soothing and holding onto yourself, versus denying your feelings and forcing yourself to stay cool.
Again, you are correct but it's a fuzzy line. This balance is the hardest thing I've yet to figure out. I now recognize some of the emotions as being byproducts of my past etc. so I'm hesitant to "feel" them when I'm not to certain how valid they are. This is a tough one. I might start keeping a personal journal to share with C in hopes of understanding it better.
Thanks. Keep it coming.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
