Thanks Gordie. I know how you feel about not feeling qualified to give advice, but I'm glad you do it anyways. I always appreciate your help and feel like I know you from keeping up with your sitch. The back and forth with you and others on this site does help me to feel less alone in this situation.
Yeah, getting back to basics seems to be what I need to do. I think about the only thing I can control is me, but even that seems hard. I was not a bad husband to begin with, but I've tried to become better. I now see that although that is a good thing to work on, I think just becoming a better me in general is more what I should be focusing on, but that requires detaching and that is what I have such a hard time doing. I think that is why I think about leaving...because it would make it easier on me to emotionally detach from the situation and would give her the space she seems to need. I try to give it to her at home, but we live in a small house, it is hard to stay out of her way and when I avoid her, I know it just seems like I am avoiding her. Regarding the kids, that's why I can't move out, even if I think I want to. I love them too much and I think they really need me right now. I think it would be selfish of me to move out right now. And where would I go? I would find a place close by so that I could continue to play an active role in their lives. But thats a moot point because I don't actually see myself doing that...even though I want to.
As far as dates go, she didn't say she didn't want to, she said that we didn't do stuff together because I don't ever ask her on dates. I interpreted that as her wanting me to ask her. The result, though, is that she reschedules till we don't actually go on a date. Regardless, I think you are right that I need to just back off again, regardless of what she "says".
One day at a time is about all I can handle, but that has never been my MO. I'm a planner...I am always prepared. I am always ahead of the game in things. That does not seem possible in this situation so this DB process is so hard for me to maintain, even though I understand the wisdom in it.
I feel emotionally starved and I'm not sure how long I can go on like this. I see people on these boards deal with this for years...I don't know if I have that long left in me. Every day is a struggle for sanity. I get there, but how long can I keep it up? I keep thinking that if I could just detach that I could do it longer, but even though I have a little, I am not there. ugh...
