Ginger - I think living with him these last few years has been like an ongoing scene from the Wild Wild West. I just never knew what's going to happen next. Until he left I didn't really understand how much I was tied to his reactions. But I know the things he's going to react poorly to and honestly, I do have anxiety over them. I am sure it's a codependent tendency that I need to work through.
This whole thing has been handled so poorly. I would have accepted the divorce but just wish we could formulated a more sensible plan to ease the kids into this. Of course if we had that kind of relationship we probably would still be married.
But he's had this all set to go for a while now I believe, and he thought everything would go exactly according to his plan. But there are lots of moving parts. I know what s14 is feeling because he's been squeezing me the same way. And he's so lost in himself that he has absolutely no self awareness how abnormal his expectations are. He's been salivating for his new place for so long that he's projected that the kids will be happy and excited for it, too.
My lawyer has said that his pace and tempo are crazy. And when things don't go his way he pitches fits in the most unbeleiveable fashion.
It hasn't even been a week! The kids are still in shock. S12 is thinking h will return. He is in shock and denial. He is angry and scared. S14 doesn't want to go there; maybe this will change with time and patience.
The thinking is bizarre. At first he approved therapy for only one of kids! He said the other was strong enough for this and therapy would weaken him. I pushed and he agreed to therapy for both but only "a little bit." Um, the amount they receive is based on what they need, not on a number you pick out of the air. This is what I am working with.
I know you are right that h's concerns are no longer my business. Lord knows he doesn't treat me in a way that shows he cares too much as to how things impact me.
But I see his email in my inbox and I just feel the dread to open it. But I know anytime it's something that displeases him he'll pitch a fit. So I know it's always right around the corner. I do need to work on brushing it off. I know I do.
Thanks Ginger. You have always hit the nail on the head. Just need to work on this.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
