A long time for me since posting on here, but I still read and it feels right to say hello and support you in your winter feelings of woe. As all things DBing, these feelings too shall pass JujuB.
I feel your same insecurities in my new relationship. There is so much about me which is new with my new person, I like knowing it, I like feeling it. But I know I am only a brief moment away at any one time, from not being better and not being different from the person I was with my ex.
Every now and then I glimpse the me who was with my ex. I see things start to unravel now, I watch them in slow motion sometimes and I know what is happening and yet still I proceed down Alice's Rabbit hole. I see myself become the banshee and the tantrum thrower, the child aching to be seen, to be heard.
I realise these are soulful needs or maybe rather more wounds and my broken bits lead to Banshee Jelly or Sad Jelly, and I have begun to accept that these will likely never leave and I have found a person who sees Banshee Jelly and Sad Jelly and loves me more in those moments. And I know he loves me more in those moments, because he stays, he never leaves me alone. We're an us in those moments.
I guess what I am saying is you forget JujuB that your ex didn't accept you either, your ex didn't accept Banshee JujuB, sexy loving JujuB, anxious mother of his child JujuB, committed wife JujuB, and he didn't stay and stand. He is as human as you were in the relationship. I am in with my current person.
Forgive yourself JujuB, it makes all the difference with the new person. These are just my thoughts.
Really I just wanted to say I love you and you are awesome. Lets meet up some time soon.
