Wow! DnJ, Gordie, Bttrfly, Ciluzen and Marvin thanks all for the outpouring of support. I knew he would gaslight me through this whole process.
Bttrfly - the kids are okay thus far. S14 is relieved as KML predicted. He has found his dad difficult to bear these last few years. S12 is having a tougher time. He is putting up a tough front for h, but with me expresses lots of confusion and shock over the suddenness of this all. There is lots and lots of hurt in that little body. They both are still unclear on why h sought a divorce. I hope a therapist can help with this.
These factors (and others) have me talking to my lawyer about how best to handle the custody issue. Everything has been on h's terms: "I will tell them now and in two days all schedules will change." Sometimes he sends me emails and it is like dealing with a 17 year old terrorist with a Napolean complex. He demands things and actually says "say yes now." I am waiting for him to say the message will self destruct in 3 minutes.
Ciluzen - thank you so much for that post. So much wisdom.
H moved out today. He left like the house was on fire. S14 was home as he had the day off. A stray dog wandered in as the movers were packing up h. I told h to bring the dog in so that we could keep him safe until the owners came. The owner came soon and of course asked if we were moving. H's answer? "No, just re-arranging a bit." Hah!
When h learns we are trying to slow down this custody transition, h is going to freak. Prior to his move out I thought what made me most scared about all this was all the uncertainty. But within hours of h being gone, I realize what scares me is his reactions. It's not something I really realized until he left and all was quiet. Job was right, I was walking on eggshells and hot coals.
S14 has said he doesn't want to go to h's place. He doesn't want to be there. It is all so sudden and he has never done well with change. It just makes sense to slow things down. H will freak when he learns that we are proposing this in order to measure how things are going. And then I worry not just about S14 but about h's reaction. But all h thinks about is what he wants not about the best way to handle this so that the kids transition well.
But as my sister asks, and how much has h worried about how his decisions impact you and your kids?
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
