Ex and I are on friendlier terms. He sees son every other weekend and 1 night a week. He doesnt have overnights without supervision. Im no longer sure if that was reasonable of ne to insist on. I dont know him and never will.
I still think about him every day. Sometines i am so so mad at how he treated me pre and during BD. I cant believe his cruelty. And then other times i am ashamed of how i was throughout our relationship. I never had any real answers. And i think that made it harder for me to heal.
I am dating soneone that has great morals, walked the walk so to speak. But he is not perfect and i accept that. I feel bad that i was not as accepting of my ex's imperfections. And if i had been how differently would our lives have been. Could that have changed secret substance abuse? I dont know. Was i a catalyst to said substance abuse? Living with me drive him to it?
My ex once liked me just as much as the new guy. So in 15 years, will new guy resent me too? Something i am conscious of. Will i resent him?
The winter is not a good time for me. And i feel unbalanced and unmotivated and defeated.
