I don't have much to offer for advice, you're situation is difficult. What you wrote about her partly understanding reminded me of early into this (before I found out about mlc, this site, etc.) when I was trying to deal w/xw and talking to her rationally. During a possible moment of clarity (but who knows) I asked her to go to m counseling. She agreed but then the next day told me I "tricked" her into it and monstered. I guess what I'm saying is that they change on a dime so don't put stock in her listening to rational thinking. Maybe it is a good thing but keep your expectations at zero.
I like what you wrote about sticking to a plan. It's hard to be consistent when in the mix of things but for me, once I could be calm and consistent, was when I finally got away from the madness (mostly anyway).
