I agree with your train of thought... Why would someone chose to take a massive hit financially, yet still spend a large amount of time at the 'marital home'??? It makes me think that her actions are simply not rational, along with her mindset.
It's not at all unusual. Cake-eating is a favorite WAS past-time. All the crying and such, script. Don't get confused and think that's an indication that she is remorseful, she is not. She is sad, but that is not the same thing as remorseful. She knows she's hurting you and she feels bad for you, that is why she cries and hugs you and gets intimate sometimes. But she still thinks she's doing the right thing.
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What does a LBS gain in being a nice, cordial, friendly side at this point???
You don't gain or lose anything. But here's the deal, you've NEVER given her the time and space she wants. Sure you've let her go on a getaway here and there, but you've been WAY too up in her business. You have got to detach and get used to the idea of the two of you being apart for a good, long time. Whatever R you have with her is on long-term hold. Later after she's wrestled her demons to the ground then she may be interested in rekindling it, but it'll be a year or more from now.
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And here is where my balance between GAL, doing dark and being the best version of me collide.... I worry that if I put on the "I'm happy with out you front"... That it will just enable a spouse who's on the fence. A WAS who doesn't want to hurt the other, but may think " well they seem to be doing just fine since BD. .. So I'm okay to leave them.
She's not on the fence. She is both feet out the door. Nothing you do will bring her back right now, but you can do a lot (pursuit) that will drive her farther away. Detach. Get out. GAL. Work on you.
And you do have a lot to work on. Read your first post, it's full of excellent information. You have lost who you were. That alpha leader that she was attracted to originally got replaced by a beta homebody. Find yourself again. You're still in there, just come back out of your shell again.
