The one thing I am hoping is that as she starts the process of changing everything to her parents address and moving out from under my financial support she will start to have a change of heart. I know that can be a huge shock for a lot of people.
More than likely she is going to move on to her parents cell phone plan, auto insurance, etc. She likely still needs to perform a change of address at both the USPS and DMV. She still won't be truly independent and supporting herself which she said was one of the main goals of the divorce.
She started the process of getting a new bank account, but has been having all the mail come to our house still.
Stop mind reading and forecasting and focus on whats really important. No, she probably wont 'wake up' one day soon. Looking for signs and trying to read the tea leaves on when that might happen or not is a waste of your energy. Where the mail is going is just a bit of logistics that surely doesnt matter to her one way or another.
Go out and live the life you want to live for you and your son. Where can you be a better partner, father, friend, man? Focus there!
The one thing I am hoping is that as she starts the process of changing everything to her parents address and moving out from under my financial support she will start to have a change of heart. I know that can be a huge shock for a lot of people.
More than likely she is going to move on to her parents cell phone plan, auto insurance, etc. She likely still needs to perform a change of address at both the USPS and DMV. She still won't be truly independent and supporting herself which she said was one of the main goals of the divorce.
She started the process of getting a new bank account, but has been having all the mail come to our house still.
Stop mind reading and forecasting and focus on whats really important. No, she probably wont 'wake up' one day soon. Looking for signs and trying to read the tea leaves on when that might happen or not is a waste of your energy. Where the mail is going is just a bit of logistics that surely doesnt matter to her one way or another.
Go out and live the life you want to live for you and your son. Where can you be a better partner, father, friend, man? Focus there!
Thank you. I had never really considered it that way. I've been making 180s in my behavior and applying it to my everyday relationships. I have noticed a change with how people perceive me when I apply the 180s.
I've been trying to be more patient with my son, but that is proving difficult. It's something I'm working on and will not fail at.
M:2.5 T:8 H:31 W:27 S:12 BD:1/4/2018 W Moved Out: 1/8/2018 OM Confirmed: 2/19/18
It is hard with kids because you try to be present but you are such in an emotional turmoil. This is where the LRT really comes in for me. It has been difficult but if I implement them I certainly see results. I really understand the struggle. Keep it up
I also have another update I forgot to mention, she reactivated her Facebook account yesterday. This brings with it a question: should I be posting my activities, etc. on Facebook? I feel that by doing that will further push her away because it will look like I'm trying too hard and only doing those things to win her back.
My advice would be to defriend her. You're separated, you don't need to be watching each others lives. Connecting with your friends on FB can be good for you -- being tempted to "peacock" things for her in an attempt to make her notice is bad across the board. Remove that temptation by unfriending her.
It will certainly send the message that you're not holding onto her leg for dear life, and that's what you want.
Acc
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
I would certainly at least unfollow her on FB and I wouldn't 'showcase' what you may be doing on there either. If you are genuinely moving forward and rebuilding your own life, she'll come to understand that in time. :-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I would certainly at least unfollow her on FB and I wouldn't 'showcase' what you may be doing on there either. If you are genuinely moving forward and rebuilding your own life, she'll come to understand that in time. :-)
This is actually the approach I'm going to take. I'm not going to showcase any more because I know she'll see right through it. I will however post things I normally would (pictures, memes, etc.). I'm not going to go out of my way to put up every single step I take each day.
You're right, if I'm genuinely moving forward she'll see that over time. I won't lie, it does feel really nice to accomplish goals and do things I just didn't find time for when we were together. That was mostly my doing, she actively encouraged me to participate in activities with friends and work mates, but I always made an excuse so I can be with her instead. I do realize I have a lot of symptoms of a co-dependent and that's something I'm addressing with my therapist.
M:2.5 T:8 H:31 W:27 S:12 BD:1/4/2018 W Moved Out: 1/8/2018 OM Confirmed: 2/19/18
Update: My wife messaged me out of the blue earlier tonight. She was cleaning out the room she's staying in at her parents and came across some of her brother's items. He no longer wanted them, so she sent a picture of them and asked if I had any interest. All of the items in the picture are things she and only she knows I like.
I told her I was interested in one of the particular items. She informed me she'll drop it off when she comes by the house to provide me with her student loan info so I can file our taxes. She said she's sorry it's taking her a long time, but she's been incredibly busy. I responded with "No worries, I understand that you're busy." She said thanks and then asked how my son is doing.
I told her he's doing okay and that he's making some positive progress at school to which she replied "That's great!" She then informed me that she removed him from Snapchat because he was constantly sending pictures of me to her and she said it was getting weird. I said, "I'm sorry he did that" to which she replied "It's okay!" She said she knows he upset and guesses it was his own way of trying to subliminally get us back together.
I agreed with her and told her I have to go as I have some friends coming over and to have a good night. She responded with "Thanks, you too."
I'm trying to not read much into it, but the thought has crossed my mind that she could have just as easily tossed those items into the garbage. Instead, she thought of me and that I might want them. I think this is a step forward in the right direction, but it's still way too early to tell.
I believe I followed all of the rules regarding contact with her in keeping it brief, focusing on her, and being the one to end the conversation.
M:2.5 T:8 H:31 W:27 S:12 BD:1/4/2018 W Moved Out: 1/8/2018 OM Confirmed: 2/19/18
Yes, good. But don't read too much into it at all! Could be trying to sooth guilt by getting you a little 'present', not an olive branch to signal an intent to reconcile. You did a great job being calm, friendly, but reserved. Nice work!
Me: Mid 40s W : Early 40s M:11 T:13 S, D, both 7-10 BD : 11/2017 Separation : 1/18
Yeah, I'm not thinking it's a sign of reconciliation, but a sign of moving forward. I know these things don't happen overnight and will take A LOT of time.
Thank you for the comments, it was odd, I didn't even feel like I had to try to be friendly and reserved, it just naturally happened. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to talk to her all night, but I know that's not in my or her best interest.
M:2.5 T:8 H:31 W:27 S:12 BD:1/4/2018 W Moved Out: 1/8/2018 OM Confirmed: 2/19/18
