So please just normalise, have a routine. Peeing on yourself is no big deal, and just for once arrange for D to have a luxury bath, with gorgeous bubbles when she gets back from mums. Make it special for her.
Give her time and space. A new fluffy bathrobe and comfy cosy D and dad time. Perhaps some new pj's too.
One way you can help is hugs, big ones. After all dad needs a hug. Validate too, what a horrid thing foR someone to say to her etc........
Your home is an oasis of calm and peace. A lovely place to be.
Ask her what you can do to help with tooth brushing, is it the toothbrush? Paste? Does she have a favourite. What about a whizzyear brush?
Listen.
I did say hugs didn't I?
I am sure I did.
Breathe, you have time.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
So please just normalise, have a routine. Peeing on yourself is no big deal, and just for once arrange for D to have a luxury bath, with gorgeous bubbles when she gets back from mums. Make it special for her.
I bought her new bath bombs for her birthday. She was supposed to use the first one last night (I said she could use one every Sunday when she gets home) but she was asleep. I told her this morning she could use one tonight.
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Give her time and space. A new fluffy bathrobe and comfy cosy D and dad time. Perhaps some new pj's too.
She got both for Christmas. Three pairs of MLP jammies, and my mother got her a big fluffy unicorn bathrobe.
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One way you can help is hugs, big ones.
Always. There are ALWAYS hugs for her. Always.
The tooth brushing thing is just her being 7, normally. Today was different... flat out refusing. She peed on herself on purpose. When she has an accident, she cries about it, and she did it on purpose.
My little girl is suffering and there's nt a damn thing I can do about it and I hate it.
She didn't want to call her mom last night. I asked her to please call and she could make it quick. She told some fibs on the phone, and pretended to be tired. She tried to tell her mom "I love you, bye" and her mom basically told her that was unacceptable. Eventually they said bye, she hung up and her mom called her back and said she wasn't being nice to hang up. Ugh. Not the first time I've seen that and I really don't understand. It's like if she doesn't say "I love you" in the correct way ("I love you I love you I love you") her mom gets upset and she's literally not allowed to go.
She was mad at both of us, though she didn't tell her mom that (she DID tell me when I asked her, and it was because she just plain hadn't wanted to call. She shut down on me when I asked why she fibbed, so I left it be). I'm not doing that again, if she doesn't want to talk, that's that. I'll deal with XW rage and the court if it comes to it. I want to communicate this in advance to XW, but realize there's no way to do that without causing even more drama, so it is what it is.
That said, she's been home one day and she's 10x better. She had her special bath last night (blue bath bomb scented like berries and had a necklace toy inside of it) and loved it. She was tired this morning and didn't want to get up (funny scene where I was tickling her feet to get her up) but did ok, was happy, brushed her teeth, just a regular morning. She was also happy to talk to her mom on the way to school.
Wow East, you are a freakin' saint to be able to go through that and still be normal! Your XW sure sounds mental. I just hope she's not dangerous. Have you talked to your L? Just curious if he/she thinks you should be recording/ documenting all the insanity. I'm not sure what your XW's end game is, but clearly she is intentionally trying to goad you into a reaction. Maybe she's hoping you'll get physical so she can use it against you to block your visitations, I don't know but tread carefully!
East, your XW is attacking your weak spot, your love for your D. It's the only weapon she can use against you. And it's pathetic.
Why do you think your XW is trying so hard to get at you? I know that's usually considered mind reading, but I think in this case it's something that can help you protect yourself.
Please keep a log or journal that records all of these interactions with her. I know it can be tedious, but it might be VERY useful in the future. Take screenshots of these texts and email them to yourself.
It svcks that even after D, you have to live like this. Is there a timeframe on getting the parenting plan set in stone?
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
it seems that your XW equates unquestioned obedience with love and respect... she demands it from your daughter, and she demands it from you... your sweet little girl just wanted to enjoy her evening with a luxury bath, and simply did not feel like talking with her momma... sometimes we forget that children are full-fledge people with people feelings, people emotions, people wants... even in co-parenting, XW puts her desires first, and not what is best for your daughter... she even expects daughter to say ILY in a specific way... by being overly controlling, she's exacting the opposite of what she really wants... i am sure you are saving the hysterical (not in a funny way) texts from her... someone suggested you record your dealings with XW... i think that's a good idea... that she purposely waited for you and GF to drive by without a good reason is odd, peculiar... weird...
Definitely documenting. This forum is actually my journal. There are a few things I haven't posted here that I have written down elsewhere, but I document everything. I also keep every text backed up so I can recall them at need.
Went out to dinner with D tonight and she told me "mommy said you tricked her" and "mommy says it's your fault she doesn't live here anymore" and "mommy says you don't want to spend time with her." So I guess the divorce is my fault, too, and XW is making sure to put that in D's mind. All I told her was not to worry about what happened between mommy and daddy, because she wasn't part of that, that mommy and daddy both love her very much, and that everything would be ok.
AS, the good news is that MNG never gets physical... part of the whole "I will never be my father" bit. I've never even been tempted.
H, more than one person has suggested that XW wants me back. I don't know if I buy into that, I think V has the right of it when she says it's all about destroying my R with GF through the stress she's putting on me, and using D to punish me. D did say that MOMMY wanted to see me on Friday though.
artista, she had NO way of knowing that GF would be there. That was ENTIRELY coincidental, GF just happened to be with her mother who was buying a car. Normally, she would be leaving work around that time, but she was out sick.
I see my C every Friday at 2:00 and XW knows that. If I go home after my C appointment, I'd normally be passing where she was parked by 3:05-3:10.
If your D trusts you as she seems to do then never express your XW feelings to D. Mummy and Daddy still love you....
Please don't mind read XW feelings, it's fine to say Daddy loves you very much. Those are your feelings. You can say I think or I believe mummy loves you too.
Your D won't express her concerns to you on it if you mind read XW.
Just my thoughts
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thanks for that insight, V. That makes sense to me and I will work on not doing that.
So, tonight was a bit of a disaster, and I feel bad about it. I asked D if she wanted to call her mom tonight and she said yes. So right before bed, I called and handed her the phone and she changed her mind, saying she didn't want to talk. XW answers the phone right then, and I tell D just to tell mommy she loves her and to say goodnight and D did just that. XW did NOT take that well. She got angry and sarcastic, telling D she hadn't talked to her that day (she did in the morning, D was happy to talk then) and she HAD to talk to her. I tried to explain she wasn't in the mood to talk and wanted to go to bed, but XW was not having it.
I told D I'd be back in five minutes and left the room. She followed me and left the phone on her bed. XW was pretty upset. She sent me a text, "What is she doing???!!!!" D basically shut down, didn't want to talk, and I tried and failed to get XW to see that. I tried to be encouraging, D wasn't having it. She kept trying to get off the phone and her mom simply wouldn't let her. I admit I was completely at a loss here, I should have just hung the damn phone up but didn't. I eventually got D to say goodnight and I love you to XW. She was enthusiastic and happy, and XW said "well, you really do sound tired" and hung up on her. D called her back and I think got sent to voicemail. She was pretty upset about it.
So I screwed up. I said I wasn't going to make D talk to XW, and I did just that tonight. And the results were shitty.
And then, just to add some icing on the cake, I get this text: "Let me guess! You got her a new toy!? Bc that seems to be the only time she ignores me that and you letting her play with toys right before bed. You know you really ain't very good at this coparenting thing. You don't even answer text when it's about her. You sure don't care if she talks to me or when she talks to me. And you tell her to say goodbye as soon as she calls me... what did you think she was gonna think!?"
I wanted to respond, but I'm just not going to do it anymore. There's nothing I can say that's ever going to get through.
