I notice in your communication with and about her, there is a lot of "Im right and she is wrong" slant to it.
This is exactly my take as well. Clyde, Michele says in one of her books that only a small percentage of marital arguments ever get resolved. I wish I could remember, I think it was 10% or something like that. 90% (or whatever the number) NEVER get resolved. Do you know what successful marriage is? It's not resolving arguments, it's learning to LET GO. You have got to LET GO of your need to be right, and your need for her to admit she was wrong. Have you forgotten the pages and pages of discussions we had on how you ended up here in the first place, all of the things YOU did wrong in the M? Have you forgotten how bad you wanted your W back, and now that she's back YOU want to berate her over every little thing and kick her out of the house? 25 always says to keep the way home paved and smooth, but when they're back that MUST continue. You can't start digging potholes and felling trees in front of her and expect her to still motor down the road of recovery. You put obstacles in front of her then what is she going to do? Stop or turn around.
I can't remember if this is in one of Michele's books or something I read one of the old timers here say but it is a phrase I try to keep in the front of my mind when my GF and I are having trouble- Do you want to be right or do you want to be happily married? Wise, wise words. We rarely get both. Strong marriage consists of peaceful compromise.
Originally Posted By: Amoafwl
What are your goals? Do your actions back up the process to achieve them?
Yes, exactly. Excellent advice. Clyde, ask yourself what your goals are. Then ask yourself "is what I am about to say/do getting me closer to my goals or farther away?"
By the way you pushing your W out the door and back to the apt. is very controlling, manipulative behavior. If you think she should go then talk to her about that, but it should be HER decision. You should SUPPORT her decision no matter what it is.
