Someone asked me if I would contest the divorce in order to get a conciliatory meeting. I am not if anyone has done that but it seems it would do more harm than good. It is a no fault state but I think it is counterproductive. Thoughts?
You seem to be scrambling and scratching and clawing to save your marriage right now. I think that is admirable. But I also want to give some perspective.
If I asked you what would be different if you were officially divorced right this instant, what would you say? How different would your actual day to day life be if you were divorced?
My guess is, not that much. I know it wasnt for me. Thats because, at BD, my ex was already essentially divorced from me...emotionally. Sure, there was a piece of paper tying us together legally and financially. But the actual relationship was already dead - I just didnt know it yet.
What that means to you is that instead of trying to save an old relationship which is already dead, your focus should be on preparing to enter a healthy relationship. Going through months of silence and withdrawal isnt healthy for either of you. Now is the time to identify what values you have and what is important to you and ensure that your next relationship is successful! You say you are working with a counselor now and I think that is an excellent step.
Theres no law saying you and H cant reconcile and make a beautiful new relationship from the ashes of the old one. To do that, the first step is to take care of yourself and it sounds like thats what you are trying to do. Keep it up!
