This is why hearing success after being served is critical in keeping hope alive and continue to DB. I am so glad I paid for a coach because Chuck has helped me have positivity.
In my state of California I've read that more than 20% of divorces are never finalized. I've also seen that early in the D process, almost 40% of couples are open to reconciliation. Regardless, after reading your situation, I think you have many 180s to do. You can't control your spouse, but you can control yourself and create the space and distance for him to reevaluate the idea of D.
It sounds like you had an EA? This can be as damaging to a relationship as a PA. Have you apologized to your H?
It happened 12 years ago and I have literally sat for hours in therapy sessions going over every detail at length. Im saying like hours and hours. I am not condoning or saying that my behavior is/was acceptable but I cant carry this scarlet letter for the rest of my life. It also helps him blame me and not have to continue to do his work on fulling committing and stonewalling all the time which is emotionally damaging. I never contacted the guy after that nor did i miss him in any way. I literally knew him for about three weeks. Nonetheless, I regret it. I want to have hope but I also need to be realistic.
