Gordie #16: walking away from from MLC W

[AndrewP]

Gordie - It takes a brave man to be one who can see his fear and name it.

One thing to keep in mind as you are seeking for answers is that this is a community of people who aren't professional therapists, and who have pretty much universally not been able to save our own marriages. With that said, we do have the perspective of our varied but similar experiences and see in your situation things where we can draw parallels from our own experience and from those who we have witnessed.

You have an incredibly tough set of decisions to make. The biggest of your life and you have to make them yourself. I believe that you have multiple sources of input, professional, spiritual, and community - both online and IRL. You are overwhelmed with the magnitude of your decision and the information that is available to you.

Much of that information isn't positive, especially for the short term situation. You love your wife, that goes without saying and would do anything for her and have gone above and beyond what most men would do.

If you read back in some of the advice that Jack_Three_Beans gave me I think back in my Phantom Cyclist threads, he is of the opinion which you've heard here many times that your wife will need to go through her own path on her own which leads who knows where. I wish Jack was here to help guide you, like he did me. He was one of the few who walked with me who did in fact build a new marriage albeit from what I understand, it had difficulties. Once a union is torn asunder I can imagine that it would be difficult to rebuild.

On other forums where I visit which are not as positive about reconciliation, they talk about reciprocity and how the unfaithful spouse has to prove to the faithful one that they are willing to commit heart and soul to their mate in order to have any chance of healing. They also talk about how rare that is.

These are forums of self-selected people though with their own particular view points. I hope you have talked with counselors such as are available here. But. It all comes down to you, your own choices and what you are willing to both sacrifice and to accept.

No matter your path, we are all universally behind you #TeamGordie