SD Diary, Saturday morning Marriage is a leap of faith. I did not live with my wife before we married and our restricted premarital loving contact was passionate and intense. Being young I assumed the dream would last forever but marriage brings new pressures to bear. Two strong minded people suddenly thrown together in their new home each with their own hopes, desires, standards and habits. With no relationship skills or training, is it any wonder that the dream evaporates and in its place grows a long destructive power struggle. One competitor retains a high desire but their blindness to the subtle needs of the other causes that competitor to lose their desire. These things become impossible to talk about and solve so the stalemate continues with frustration, irritation and resentment growing as the years pass by. Eventually one or both must change but can the change be engineered by studying books, shedding bad habits and manipulating love languages? I’m not sure, I have a feeling that at some point in time it will just happen. Those of you who are familiar with my situation know that I have a “Just do it” arrangement with my wife and that love day is Friday. Well, last night we went to bed and I cuddled up to her and caressed her a bit but I realised that I was feeling no desire whatsoever. I moved her hand so it rested on my arm hoping that if she stroked me a little, desire would flood in. Nothing happened. After a while I knew I would not be able to take it any further and told her I didn’t feel like it. She was not bothered either, so we had a brief talk about everyday things and went to sleep. In the morning I woke up and lay there a while. Under normal circumstances I would feel waves of love and desire sweeping through my body, as that is the way I am. However this morning I felt none of it. I felt ND. I’m not saying it was a bad feeling because the waves of desire also carry frustration and disappointment with them. It was more like a state of relaxation – I couldn’t care less that I was ND. When my wife woke up I said that I seemed to have lost my desire last night and I don’t seem to have got it back this morning. She said, “Just because you have no desire it doesn’t mean that you have no love”. Maybe, but it’s a poor quality love compared to what I’m used to. Sadly, I think the resolution to most SSMs is that the HD goes ND and not the other way round. SD
