You know, I was just sitting here thinking. Last night, H was "stressed out." For months now, when he comes home, I tell him to relax. I may get him a drink, rub his feet, whatever. When he is in bed, I take the dogs out for their final outside run. (Usually I walk them in the a.m. and afternoon, and he does before bed.)
Last night, he was sitting there with a scotch, I had just taken off his shoes and rubbed his feet. He was smiling and wagging his imaginary tail. The dogs kept jumping around asking to be taken outside. H sat there watching a motorcycle show on the Speed channel. I asked twice during commercials if he would please take them out and put them to bed.
H sat there through the commercials. I began to get up to take them outside as I couldn't take their barking anymore. Finally, I noticed H was acting very lazily and I have been taking them out at night for over a week.
I sat back down and said "H, you are taking advantage of me being nice to you." H said "No, I'm not. Well, just a little." Then he smiled and made funny noises as if to be cute so I would forgive him. I ignored him and just laid there. Forget him, I am not doing his chores anymore.
Am I wrong? I think he is taking advantage of me DBing for him by expecting me to clean, shop, cook and take care of the dogs while he comes home every day "tired" from work. I know he has a stressful job, but how long should I continue doing this for him? After all, I have a stressful job also.
Is this part of detaching guys? I feel like it's me time, it's time for me to take care of myself. Last night while wrestling, he hurt my pinky. I said I needed ice and he didn't get up to get any. Usually he would. I did, and then said I was mad he didn't care. He said he did care, but didn't want to miss the show.
I feel like I should have told him "then go in the other room because I don't want you here, I want to sleep."
Do I need to start setting boundaries and letting him know he can't walk all over me?
The first thing I thought of when reading your post is that you need to throw a little of being unavailable into the mix even though you are together. Pick one night a week or fortnight and have plans to not be at home.
Vanessa
Current Thread Me: 39, H: 35 Kids: S14/D13/D11 1995-04 Married 2003-08 Bomb 2003-09 Separated
My first - New Zealand. By far and away the absolute most beautiful, friendly, fun place to ever, ever visit.
WHEN H and I retire together - fully in love, of course, it will be in New Zealand. It's where we took our honeymoon. Hiking 10 days on Secret South Safari after spending a few days on the North Island. Absolutely recommend for anyone who wants a romantic adventure.
Hi Rottz - Sweetheart, slow down Stop on your journey every now and then, smell the flowers. Is your R on a deadline? Be kind to yourself.
Quote: He held me for a bit. Then turned his back to me. This is a confusing and disturbing new trend. He sleeps with his back to me, and he never used to do that. We always swap off holding each other.
OK, NG and I cuddle when sleeping, and always do it spoon fashion. Both of us have very sensitive backs, and love the feeling of being hugged from the back. Maybe H has the same sensitivity? Trying acting as if his back is an invitation?
And yes, spouses will take advantage of our kindness, but this too can be managed. I love cooking for NG, only to realise that he expected me to be in the kitchen while he was writing lovey dovey emails to OW. Well, now, I wait till he is ready to hang out in the kitchen before I even start cooking. And guess what, while he is hanging around, he actually helps
Strategy, strategy. Keep on swimming, my friend. Slowly
Stop on your journey every now and then, smell the flowers. Is your R on a deadline? Be kind to yourself.