K - I don't think anyone told her it was time to move forward. Even though she has plenty of enablers around her it is still ultimately her decision. I just found myself replaying my DBing efforts in my head thinking I might have done something wrong but in reality there was nothing going to stop this from occurring.
Truthfully, if she has someone in her ear, a significant enabler or OM I would have thought she would have consulted with an A before now, would be more aggressive with what she wanted and have been more knowledgeable about the process. I also don't think she would have waited almost 8 months to start.
M - Your strength will come as you gain confidence which goes hand in hand with detaching. You also need to step back and take a good look at the R and evaluate it objectively for what it is. If you diligently follow the rules you will gain self-respect and also your W's. Once you start to learn and grow as a person I guarantee you your feelings towards your W will change and you will no longer view her in the same light.
Early on there is this perceived power struggle because she appears strong and you weak because she took your comfortable life away from you. Over time though that will change and you will start to view her as the weak one in the R. You will start to see through her.
I do understand how and believe now that most LBS's will have a shot at RECON again. Like AS and others say though it will not happen on our timeline, could very well occur after the D and most likely by that time the LBS has moved on.
For me, it won't come until after I have moved on. My W doesn't have the money for a retainer but at this point I am not going to stand in her way of a D. All of our money is still joint money so she should have access to use it just as I should. If she really wants to file and get out that bad then I will make it happen. I am not going to play the game of if you don't have enough money for a retainer then I am going to hold you in a MR that it is obvious you don't want to be in.
