D didn't call Saturday night, either. I'm ok with that.
XW was not there when I picked up D yesterday. When I saw D, the very first thing she said to me was that what I did to her was very hurtful, and that I was a bully. We had a talk, and thirty seconds later she was fine. Pretty sure that was rehearsed, because I didn't hear another thing about it. After she got out the rehearsed part, she told me that "mommy says GF is afraid of me, and that's because she thinks I'm bigger than she is" (I guess that means "more important?") "but I know that's not true, because GF is nice to me, and she plays with me, and she's nice." She also told me they'd been sitting there waiting for me on Friday, and were giving up and leaving when GF and I passed. I did not ask D WHY they were waiting there. I try not to ask her things like that.
As I was picking up D, I got a text from XW: "You better no be ignoring her when you have her around GF! Bc the way you acted Friday sure does make me think that! She is still not happy and didn't want to some home today with you. I told her she had to bc of school. But I'm sure you've bought her something to counter the fact of how you did her Friday. Great parenting there! Shove toys and gifts in her face and tell her everything is ok like you do every time you pick her up. Always got gifts just to get her in your vehicle. Tell that to your psychiatrist! Bet they'd have words to say about that!"
Took D to visit her grandparents and great-grandmother on our way home. She wanted to do that last weekend, and I promised her last week we'd do that this weekend.
On the way home, D fell asleep. 9:00 my phone starts ringing. And ringing. She called 11 times. I did not answer. Texts:
XW: "It would be nice if I could talk to my daughter." XW: "You're a piece of work." Me: "She fell asleep on the way home. She will call in the morning." XW: "You should have had her call me after you left MY dads!"
Not engaging. Will be talking to L and C this week about the alienation and what to do.
Quote:
Tough as what I'm about to say will be to hear, you really must look inward as to why you refused to see the signs that had to be right in front in front of you! You don't go from Jerry Springer to normal back to Springer again. The signs had to be there. Why did you ignore them? That should be explored before getting involved in your next series R. Or is it already too late for that?
Not hard to hear. I've been looking at that for a long time, now. I readily admit there were signs and I flat out IGNORED them. I knew what she USED to (I thought) be, and believed the "when I got pregnant, everything changed." And maybe it did, for a while. But I remember warning signs. And I remember being concerned. And I remember telling myself it would be ok, because we loved each other, and our daughter, and that was enough.
Stupid, I know.
I remember being conditioned, and ignoring it, because I wanted what I was being conditioned for.
I fully accept that my choices led me to where I am today.
I still fight against MNG. I still want to be a peacemaker even if what makes the peace isn't what I want. The things I have written on my bathroom mirror are all about remembering that behavior and fighting it (well, I added one this weekend that said, "You cannot reason with crazy.") Possibly repeating my past mistakes scares the hell out of me.
