That scene sounds awful. So so sorry for you and the boys. You're a tough cookie and so are they--ironically, what your H just did--in an effort to make himself sound better, he brought you and the boys closer. Kids know who the sane parent is. They just do. There's no hiding that fact.
When I caught up on your situation, it brought back some memories of my own D, which took a long time and became pretty ugly. M ex-H threw all he had at me.
Remember, just because you are vocal about what you want, it doesn't mean you will end up at trial and dragging your kids through the mud. Sometimes it's as simple as letting your attorney and his know your concerns, which are valid and worth fighting for... your H does NOT want his crazee broadcasted. Use that against him. Don't be bullied.
Take it from a master at being bullied. I learned the hard way... most of what he threatens, just like the original "let's do this without attorneys" is B.S. It's all bluff to scare you and maintain control. He's his attorney's problem now. And, don't think for a second that his attorney can't see his crazee.
My suggestion is this, now that I'm on the other side: You get one opportunity here to protect your children. Consider what hill you are prepared to die on. For me, it was the kids and retirement.
Early on, my ex-H threatened to take the kids 50/50, in order to avoid child support. In my case, it never came to any psych eval/drug test. He bailed before things got serious. His M.O. was to disappear and everyone knew he was an addict. But, he threatened me with a ton.
-What I did, however, was have my attorney make it clear that I would ask for a drug test, in particular, if he requested 50/50. -I also made sure my youngest saw more than one psychologist/counselor... in order to provide feedback to the court if necessary. In both cases, our D, 11 or so at the time, made it clear what was going on with her Dad and how she didn't want to see him.
What's the one thing an MLC-er wants to avoid at any cost? The shame and embarrassment of who they have become. When the truth rears it's head, they go back under their rock. This may be as simple as a letter from your attorney making it known you don't see your H as competent right now. You've seen his behavior alter dramatically in the past however many years.
I suspect, your H will run and hide if you call his bluff. Even if he doesn't, your kids will see that you fought hard to protect them. But, you can let your attorney handle it.
Maybe let your attorney know you are not comfortable with 50/50, ask about a guardian ad litem, get the boys in to see a professional
**Put it out there to H's attorney and yours, that you have concerns about this proposed arrangement. Provide some documentation to your attorney about some of the crazee behavior. Let his attorney know, you want a professional opinion on what's best for the boys and have them suggest an objective counselor.
And, Congratulations on getting to the part where he is OUT OF THE HOUSE!!! REST. RECHARGE. YOU got this.
Get clear on what you want. You won't get everything, but, in my case, I got the important issues in my favor--custody of our youngest and retirement.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
