I am very sorry it has come to this, but I am like you...why wake someone up at 8:00 a.m. to tell him that he is getting a divorce from the child's mother? The only explanation that I have for that is to catch the kids off guard because they aren't fully awake at that time. What a coward!
I think what he told your sons is a load of BS. He's trying to sugar coat the fact that he was the one that opted to live in the dorm room. No one forced him to do that and your sons know that. Oh, yeah, he's doing for you alright...he's trying to paint himself the martyr. Well, he'll never reach sainthood spouting such stuff.
Your sons haven't felt comfortable around their father for quite some time and it's you that the come to when they need to talk or get support. I know you'll always have the door open to them. They are going to have a lot of questions and observations in the days ahead.
As for your home, I think you'll feel a lot of relief in the days ahead. The walking around on eggshells will be gone and stability and order will once again take place. BTW, be sure to leave the window open in that dorm room for a while. It will be interesting to see if he shares w/you the address of where he's living.
Stay strong and positive and most importantly, do not allow him to bully/manipulate you into doing anything you do not feel is right.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
