Gordie #16: walking away from from MLC W

[Gordie]

Thanks on the edit. I was planning this as a conversation not a letter.

[bttrfly]

yes well done and with OwnIt's edit, so it's absolutely clear. xoxoxo

PS Re-read Cali's entire sitch.

[Gordie]

12 month lease

[Gordie]

I slept on this decision hoping to awake with clarity or conviction. I have neither. I also realize I have put up these huge walls around my heart. And she wants romance? I think she expected me to jump up and down and have some super emotional reaction to her decisions, but I greeted her with extreme cautiousness. I feel I am in uncharted territory with no map and no guide. God, help me.

[Gordie]

Side notes: she made a point of telling me she has spoken to her old church friend, a woman she cut off a few years ago. I thought she burned those bridges but was encouraged by the action. She also went to church with her father this weekend. No idea what this means, but noting the chamge in behavior. Argh, I am really torn about moving out.

[Ginger1]

Your W did not go overnight from a woman who was flaunting OM in your face to a committed, totally changed wife. This is not an overnight process. Please read the threads of Cali and PsySara.

I believe you should move out without a doubt. It's your best chance for reconcilliaiton and a healed M. When you tell you wife what you stated earlier and she doesn't run back into OM's arms if you move out, then it will show her commitment to working on the M is real. If she says she won't do it if you don't stay, then you know she has a whole lot of work to do.

Changes in behavior are good. But you have GOT to stay the course.

[job]

Gordie,

Have you read the thread by Zeus? It might give you some food for thought. Here's the link:

WAS showing you positive signs? WAIT - READ THIS

[Mach1]

Argh, I am really torn about moving out.

Right where she wants you to be.....

[Gordie]

Ginger and Job,

Thank you. I am surprised y’all are saying the same thing. What I would say today:

W—

I love you. I don’t want to be D and I am encouraged that you say you don’t want to be D now either. However, right now we are unhappily M and neither of us want that. We both have raised serious issues with our R that need to be addressed. If we keep doing the same things I am afraid we won’t address them and we won’t heal.

As you know, I have committed to an apartment in town and have decided that I will continue with my plan to move out later this week. Right now, I see this as the best way for us to rediscover one another, not as H and W and the roles we play, but as people. You told me you feel suffocated by me and M and I hope that this will give us both some breathing room.

After I move out, I want us to date one another exclusively and as you said “see what happens.” We can date platonically until such time that we both want something more. We can work on the romance and passion and not just fall back into old routines. We are different and we can rediscovwr one another.

My goal in all of this is for us to be happily married to one another. Two summers ago you said you wanted a new M with me. I want the same.

***

Maybe I should write this to her as a letter?

[SBJ]

Gord, I don't have all of the answers, but I do know that what many are saying sounds like good information. Moving out sounds scary and I think that that fear is what is clouding your decision. I didn't have to do that since my ex is the one that left. That was Nov. 2016 and I can tell you that it took a long time for me to become semi-comfortable being there w/o her. The only thing that helped was GAL activities...the good and the bad.

She has told you what you have been wanting to hear for years, but is it for her benefit or yours? I would listen to the men on here that have been thru the false starts and/or let their spouses come home too soon. That might shed some light for you.

Prayers to you and your family!