Rott,
I just had to reply because I feel like you are SO much in the same emotional place as me at the moment. I want to give you the perspective that I can't have on my own sitch.
There are SO many positives here, please do not give up.
You have been doing an amazing job, I can tell that H loves you. You may well be right about the control thing, if he controls the things that are important to you -- ML, holding hands, kissing -- it probably means that he doesn't want to go back to a place where he perhaps felt utterly hopeless before. Obviously you are a strong person, and he has figured out a (bizarre, yeah, but effective in its own way) strategy to have some control. The positives you mention are REAL, girl. Take a few days, lick your wounds, don't decide anything when you are in an emotionally reactive mood. Concentrate on some other things that make you feel good (not to do with H), and THEN you can allow yourself a little thinking time. For now, just take a breather and get out of Emotion Zone. I tell you true:
I see so many positives. Don't give up now when you've made so many strides and gotten so close.
