About your XH not even admitting to, let alone apologising for, his terrible behaviour during the supposed reconciliation work. Were I the OW, listening to your XH rabbiting on about how *everything* was your fault, I'd be seeing big red flags. No wonder she didn't want to ditch her H for him. He simply wasn't worth it.
Oh my goodness yes. Before I knew about OW, I often wondered what he would tell a new woman about the reasons for our divorce. I suppose he could be vague (“She was awful and controlling and I tried everything to make it work, including years of counseling, but she wouldn’t change so I left her.”) but I certainly wouldn’t have been satisfied by that explanation from a man I was dating. Anything more specific (assuming it was truthful) would be a huge red flag. I can’t imagine getting into a relationship with someone whose understanding of commitment basically boiled down to “I get to leave if I’m not happy,” which is pretty much what he told me during our final “This marriage is over” conversation.
