New LBS - need advice

[apothem]

Ok, thank you!

[Btrow]

Apothem,

When she doesn't want to be married, a handbook in how to save a marriage will be trown in the garbage. But if she decides to skim it, it could potentially send her here and see your thread which is probably easy recognizable to her. Not good.

[Cadet]

I am glad somebody has read my second post on nearly every newbies thread.

Their are no magic buttons, pills, or secret wands to wave that will make this go away.

Keep the book to yourself.

YOU can not FIX her, she has to do that herself.

[apothem]

Thank you guys, as you can imagine this is a very tough time for me which is why I keep trying to fix things...but I understand that I can only fix myself, and likewise be the only person to make myself happy.

Another question: how long should I keep radio silence with her? We haven't spoken since Sunday, so almost a week now. There's a pretty good chance I get handed the papers next week. She still has things at our house to pick up and I feel like she's ghosting me right now.

[TBSakaJ9]

You don't initiate conversation unless you absolutely have to. She is ghosting you because she wants nothing to do with you.

[apothem]

Update: After talking with my therapist again she suggested I reach out to my W with a quick message. She said because I could be dealing with someone who has BPD/abandonment issues it's important to let them know that you are here and not abandoning or ignoring them. We haven't communicated at all in the last 7 days.

So last night I sent my wife the following message: "It might seem like I'm ignoring you or abandoning you, but I just want to respect your need for time and space. I'll always be here to talk."

She responded with, "I'm okay, thank you for checking in."

Essentially, the way I interpreted it is that she doesn't need to talk to me. The plus side is she could have responded with something negative or "please don't message me", etc. I do feel better after sending her that message because I would have always wondered "what if" I never sent it.

From this point forward, the ball is in her court to contact me. I've been working more and more on GAL and continuing to better myself so I can have a better future for myself and my son.

[apothem]

I also have another update I forgot to mention, she reactivated her Facebook account yesterday. This brings with it a question: should I be posting my activities, etc. on Facebook? I feel that by doing that will further push her away because it will look like I'm trying too hard and only doing those things to win her back.

For example, I posted that I went and played Bingo with my mom and sister, went out to dinner with family, had a game night with friends, etc. Now, over the last 6-12 months I haven't actively posted my activities on Facebook, at least not at this frequency. I'm thinking I should stop doing that as she will definitely see right through it. Any advice?

[Btrow]

You should be mysterious. Mysterious is interesting. Make her wonder what you are up to. So I'd stop posting on Facebook for now. And as you mentioned yourself, she will see right through it.

[MoveFrwd]

I also have another update I forgot to mention, she reactivated her Facebook account yesterday. This brings with it a question: should I be posting my activities, etc. on Facebook? I feel that by doing that will further push her away because it will look like I'm trying too hard and only doing those things to win her back.

Any advice?

I would say to stop worrying so much about it. Post what you want.

If it's for you, then who cares what she thinks.....

I say it's your facebook wall. If you want to commemorate your life on it, then do it.

[apothem]

Hmm, receiving conflicting advice. I think for now I'll play it low-key and try to remain mysterious. That's not to say I won't post things, but I will definitely reduce the frequency. I feel I got a little overboard with my posting.