[BrightFuture]

Thank you job, Sotto, and bttrfly for stopping by and Happy New Year wishes! Happy New Year to all of you too!

Job, got your message! I keep up with the news there, from people who don’t post here much anymore. I think H is still firmly believing that he lives in Mexico. At least he wants to believe it. He is doing the repairs to the condo, it is just he’s not being there much, as he has to work. These water leaks are an ongoing issue for some of the condos, and our joint condo (H’s condo, as he wants to call it, LOL) is one of them. He is actually trying to make it his home. Not sure he is 100% convinced anymore, but it sounds like he is trying… As a lot of other people who settled down there, in Mexico… they are trying to convince themselves and other people that this is the best place to be… I agree, that it is a wonderful place to have a vacation home! But… I’m a bit skeptical about making it a permanent residence with no ties back to the US. But… it is just me…

So… I’m posting this just for the record… In case it helps someone… or it will make a history in my sitch, LOL, which I doubt…

Back to my previous post… when I was at the vacation home… I admit I had an expectation about H coming to hook up the ceiling fans when I was there. Still some controlling issue for me, ha. I just really wanted to get this done. When I called H, I think on my last day at the vacation home, and he was busy and not really interested in the conversation, I panicked a bit. I needed to make sure that the fans were getting installed. Then I told myself to relax. It was not that important after all. He called me on the 31st … on the New Year’s eve. He was at my condo with our mutual friend, installing the ceiling fans! He asked me which side of the blades I want to face down.

Then, on the New Year’s eve we were having a traditional celebration at my sister’s and I wanted to text H early in the evening to wish him a Happy New Year. I told myself to wait and be patient to see if he would text me first… It paid off! He texted me that he installed the ceiling fans and wishing me a Happy New Year. I replied back with my wishes and thanking him for the fans. I actually told him he was “the best”, LOL… I had a few drinks by then… We exchanged a few more texts… it seems like he was happy to chat… I also sent him the pictures of my sister’s family that I took that night. Not a big deal for me with all that conversation… The observation is though that he was not in any “exiting” company for the New Year’s, he was with our mutual friends’, and he made sure he let me know about it.

Again, not something I’m considering a movement, LOL. He contacted me recently about our company bank account, which is just business. He also asked me (again ), if I had some coupons or good rates for car rentals. I used to get very good deals on these and always booked the rentals for him.

Sotto, thank you for your thoughts and concerns.

As for your H, it sounds as though he spent a bit of a sad time at Thanksgiving and his life is a little sad generally, so he feels he needs to lie a little about his circumstances, which is a shame.

I don’t know… if he is unhappy, he doesn’t show it, even to my mutual friends. Even though they decided to tell me this story for whatever reason… I was not even asking…

In your situation, I still wonder a little about the extent of the ties you have and whether that works for you and really helps you move forward or even on. It's always your choice of course, but maybe something to think about as time goes on if there isn't really any change.

Yes, I keep thinking about this all the time… This is my biggest challenge… and it drives me crazy sometimes… I keep thinking that I should shut that door tight and forever. But… something is holding me back… I think that I’m just weak…

Speaking of which… We’ve been having a regular text exchanges with H about one thing or another. My mutual friends also keep giving me the updates on him… for example, about that he had to go back to work to a different remote state… and then his truck broke down and needed a major repair (transmission…), and that he posted on his FB that it must be Karma... My mutual friends were actually bit taken aback a bit by this last statement about Karma. And then I felt all kinds of different emotions about that. First, I felt like there was some payback (talking about Karma) and I felt a bit vindicated, then I felt remorse for feeling that… and then I felt sorry for H…

The fact that H has been super nice in all our exchanges doesn’t help at all. He almost always makes sure to address me by name (in comparison to his dry texts and e-mails a couple of years ago.) It was his B-day today. I mailed him the card a week ago, and I tried to call him today. He was on the road and the cell service was bad. So, when I got through to him, he could not hear me well, and then the call dropped. I called a couple of hours later and left a voice mail. He texted me later thanking me for the message and for the card.

There are some observations, that make me think that H is probably “processing” some things… but it doesn’t lead anywhere. He will probably be a better H and partner for someone else in the future if he gets to the bottom of his problems. But, as he said in the past, “there is no going back”. And… he keeps reiterating that he lives in Mexico (FB comments)…

Some examples of his comments. At one of the Christmas parties he mentioned his friend, who comes to live at the vacation home place during the winter (one of the snow birds.) He and his wife bought a house there, but a year after that his wife died of cancer. He was devastated. A year after that he met a very nice woman, who he brought with him to the vacation home every year since. Everyone liked her and everything seemed to be good. But H said, that after a few years, his friend told him that even though this woman was very nice, it was not the same as with his late wife. H said it with the said face… I thought it was interesting, as he was so sure at the time of BD that he and I could always find somebody else and be happier.

I also get to see some of his comments on FB, to one of our common friends, which we have a few on FB. Recently someone posted a story about a retired couple who were “forced” to divorce and leave 20 miles apart, so they could maintain their eligibility for Medicare. The story was about how devastating it is for these people to be apart. H’s comment was “It is very sad”… So, H, what about people who are forced to be apart because someone decided they needed a different life…? I don’t think it even registers in his head though… Or, does it..?

So, this is where I am. Sorry about the long post again. It was brewing for a few weeks, LOL. I just really need to figure out how to get out this slow motion sitch. I think I might be making a record on this board for the slowest and longest limbo…