Boundaries are the boundaries of the individual setting them.
Think of yourself as a small district. There will be parish boundaries, town boundaries, city boundaries, area boundaries, country..... etc
That is your area to control.
You enforce your boundary by taking action when an invading army comes in.
So it's about what you do not the other.
Boundaries are fluid too, I let my mother who had dementia past my boundaries when no one else was permitted. You may be lax with your child if they are ill.
You choose where you set your boundary and for whom.
Your boundaries should be clear and delineated in advance. They are pretty useless if no one knows or they are unreasonable.
Remember to enforce your boundaries then you take action and control. The only one whose actions you control are your own.
You can state your boundary and the consequences of crossing it. Remember those boundary enforcements must be capable of being enforced. Threats won't cut it, if you say X then X must happen.
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So here is an example from my interaction with the G
G on the phone to V: you are f***** useless, how can you get lost? Typical you, incompetent sl*t
V on the phone to G: you are swearing at me. If you continue to swear at me then I will hang up.
G: stupid idiotic c*** you can never do anything right
V: hangs up
G: rings back are you going to pick me up then?
V: are you going to swear at me? If you do then I will hang up for 2 hrs
G: what the f*** are you saying? You **** pick me up or there will be problems
V: i am hanging up for two hours now, if this continues then I will not be available for 8 hrs and then you will need a taxi
G: f off then
V: hangs up, does not pick up G
Finally ends up with V ceasing to talk to G on the phone
Boundaries, these are V own actions and choices. Stated in advance and enforced.
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So you can set boundaries for the behaviour you can enforce. So if I hear you talk to OM on the phone I will......
What can you do? What can you enforce?
I will record it? I will play loud music? I will walk away?
Whatever it is must be your action of enforcing.
However if you talk to OM whilst we are driving in my car then I will stop and let you out is enforceable.
I will cease to pay your mobile bill is enforceable.
There are many ways to enforce a boundary, physical force is not one of them. Get your ego out of the way. Enforcing boundaries is practical not emotional. It works better if the other sees you mean business without malice.
Hope that helps
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
