Rottzilla, Thanks for your encouragement over on my thread. We both know it - patience is the hardest, but most useful tool we have. If I learn nothing else, that would be it. My whole life and career has been centered around being a probem solver, finding solutions, and making things happen. Just the wrong tools for dbing and sometimes marriage in general. I always want to "fix" whatever is wrong. No wonder my H thinks I'm controlling.
I have several times ASSumed looming disaster because of something H said or did, and 99% of the time I was completely off base. My new-found patience, a constant struggle for me, has really paid off big time. Each time I feel it running out and want to push for an answer or more progress, I remind myself of how patience has really made things work much better in specific past instances. Remembering those previous successes really strengthens my will to be patient in the present moment.
I have also finally realized that my H likes to process things a loooong time before he comes forward with something. So, sometimes a lot is happening but you just have to wait. If you push too early you might get a different, less welcome answer than if you went with H's timetable. Example, I think if I had asked my H to give me a specific date by which he would be moving out, I believe he would be gone by now. The one thing I won't budge on is the one that forces me to develop patience - that his decisions on what he wants must be made without any input from me. I really think the fact that he has to do it alone and that I have been very patient has also kept him from leaving. Patience is our friend (but she's one big pain in the butt).
