Hey dude.....I went to the gym this morning and worked some things out. I will keep you all posted and I will check out what you recommended. I don't think the conversation will be too deep with R talk. IMO it will be mostly factual about our finances and what the next steps are. Trust me I will not bring up our R nor will a turn into Mr. Melty Man.
My D's are doing wonderfully which IMO is a testament to how my W and I have handled the situation.
I will let her know that I will provide to her any information she needs and as many things we can agree to between ourselves the better off we will be financially. So really the next steps are for her to retain an A and to just keep me posted. I don't want to give her too much advice etc. but since I controlled all of our finances I do think she would want to have someone watching out for her interests. I understand the A's are going to get into the middle of things but I guess that is probably something that can't be avoided but the extent of which we can communicate with each other the better.
Other than that it feels like a mini BD all over again. Not nearly the same level of emotion but it is still impactful. I find myself re-hashing everything over in my mind again. How could this of happened? How did I get to this place? WHY WHY WHY??? I just remind myself that there are many things in this world we will never know the answers to so why should I expect something different? I don't deserve an answer any more than anyone else does. The fact is people change and there is nothing that can be done to stop it. It is what it is.
Financially it [censored], I am disappointed that all of the plans made are going to get blown up. Then I get angry when I think about who I am as person and what she is walking away from. My ego says, "Really, who do you think you are going to find better than me, good luck with that". Then I think about my girls having a step-dad and what that is going to be like. He better treat them with respect is all I have to say. Again, driven by anger and ego. So in some ways I feel like I am cycling again.
These are the thoughts I have running through my head but since this is a safe place I feel ok in venting. If you all new me in real life you would know I would never act on anything. I am very self-aware and I do know that anything I would say would be misplaced emotion and would serve no purpose.
The fact is I truly want my W to find her happiness, I really do. If she is happy then my hope is that my girls will be happy when they are with her. I am sad that I could not help her find her happiness or she felt like her current life was not filled with happiness but it was a life we built together so she is just as much to blame for it as am I. I also know that this is more about her than me and while that is hard to accept it does bring me some peace. As we say her journey.
With all this said. I don't have any problems letting her go and will do so with my head held high. I really do hope she finds peace and happiness.
