Sara, You must be exhausted. From the outside it seems like you need paid help in the evenings and more help in general. Perhaps your husband isn't reacting to your changes not because he doesn't notice but because he's depressed or unhappy in this stage of life and doesn't know what to do about it. Perhaps you can work on showing empathy to him and validating how you think he must be feeling. It's so hard to know what your day-to-day interactions with him are like. If you describe them in more detail then maybe we can comment, but even then we're only reacting to your side of the story...
I guess you've tried all that already, right? I just don't know, but you at least need to be separated before you can feel that divorce is what you want.
Sara has done everything as far as working on herself... she has gone above and beyond in her efforts to relate to her H... she has demonstrated forgiveness, she has validated... she has given H the benefit of the doubt... she has looked passed H's cruel and painful behaviors toward her... it is so much more than the original A... there is that--yes... but it's all the thoughtless, unreasonable, unkind actions he has thwarted toward her since the A... he only responds in any positive way when she has determined to leave him... this has happened a few times in the last year and a half...
it's to where we can all see it coming... she decides to walk away for her own sanity, well-being, serenity... he suddenly realizes the error of his ways... he proposes that she put off the D so he can show her he really wants to be married to her and is willing to provide her with what she needs... he makes a few token changes for a short time... she continues to be a wife that only a fool would leave... eventually, he falls back to his usual ways where he is not there for her emotionally, physically, spiritually... she experiences great angst--tries to grasp at why she isn't enough for him...
those of us who have been following her sitch can see the cycle... we can see that it's not her--at all... what she is living from cycle to cycle would be enough to drive any right-minded person insane... she would benefit from doing something entirely different...
Own-It's suggestion is brilliant, in my opinion... if provides a way for PsySara to move on without giving up on the marriage... it provides a way for her to let H do the work, the heavy lifting before coming back into the MR, something that she has not required of him thus far...
PsySara--i feel for you... i sense that you are in a place of where you are running out of mental resources... i know you want more than anything to keep your family intact... perhaps going about it a new way (Own-It's offering) where you can keep yourself mentally, physically and spiritually healthy, will give you a better chance at not only the life you want, but a better life in general... please don't stop sharing here...
