I've been married for 6 years, we have 5 kids together 4 from previous marriage and 1 together. Our marriage started on rocky ground we were long distance for 2 years and then everyone moved in together, lots of conflicts, step son, mother in law, pregnancy. We have always had our up and downs and from my view point we had more ups, however that's not how she sees this. My wife is very stubborn and head strong the type of person that doesn't like to apologize, whenever we had conflict I was always the one that made the effort to smooth things over.
Up until a year ago I never had any trust issues with her, I always thought that she was a person of integrity and loyal to her family, then I started noticing that she would take long on certain errands and wouldn't return my calls right away. At first I thought it was just my imagination but things didn't add up, like when my step son said that his mom didn't want him to go with her on an errand. So this continued until one day I got really suspicious and decided to place my cell phone in her car without her knowing and tracked it to see where she was going. Sure enough she went to a male co workers house, I confronted her, she lied to me at first that she was even there then she started with the excuses on why she was there which didn't make sense, she says she was dropping off papers, (why not just tell me that, why lie). I confronted him and he says he asked her to drop off a cell phone.
I made an effort to forgive this incident since she assured me that nothing happen that she knew it looked bad but it was innocent that she would never cheat and that she swore on her kids that that's the truth. This is where Sandis description really hit the nail on the head for me in describing a WW. I figured if I was caught in the same manner I would want my wife to forgive me so I decided to do the same live and let live lets move on and work on our relationship that obviously needs work since we feel the need to lie to each other.
Fast forward 6 months and I start to get the same feeling again, but this time I decide to set a trap I placed a GPS device in her car and sure enough she's meeting at a parking lot away from her job after work and lying to me about it. I plan a trip to go away for the weekend, but I snuck back in the area to see if I can catch her, I go to the house and her car is there when I walk in she's not there, she had left threw the back of the house. I called and text her with no answer, to make a long story short she finally calls me back and says she was with her oldest son and she snuck out on purpose because she knew that I would be trying to track her. Now she is angry at me for tracking her and we start to fight I accuse her of having an affair she denies it, I also have a audio recording of her on the phone telling someone "Call me when, Love ya babe" the audio is poor but you can make out what she is saying.
She claims this is all in my head and that she can't take the lack of trust anymore and wants out, refuses to acknowledge any of the evidence that I have, she tries to explain things away, will not provide me with one once of proof to back her stories, will not let me look at her phone etc.etc....
Now had I stumbled upon this forum a week ago then I would have calmed myself down and not been so aggressive in trying to get her to confess, instead I went crazy demanding answer which further put up walls for her and refuses to even talk, I threatened to expose this affair at work so she decides to lawyer up and is in that process now. I believe she's working on the D papers at the moment which i'm sure I'll get served soon.
I know a lot of people say the same thing, I didn't see this coming, I never thought my wife would do this to me, the betrayal, the disrespect and resentment. It's something I never experience with her before. I love my wife and would be willing to really work on this, but I will not allow to be disrespected any longer. I've been following Sandis rules, detaching, taking care of myself and making sure i'm the best man that I can be. I know it's early and this takes time and I really hope it sinks in for her, but she's a very stubborn women that was raised by an even more stubborn mother.
Since the initial BD, i've been consistent in my detachment and this forum has been a God send. I no longer feel like a fool and understand their are many that have gone through what I'm going through. I've been divorced before and I really don't want to do it again, however if there is no effort on her part I don't see how else this can work, i'm trying to stay positive however all I see from her is anger toward me, like I did something really wrong to her. Don't get me wrong, I have my flaws, I didn't listen or take the warnings signs serious enough and hoped it will work itself out. But I never lied or disrespected her. I want to ask her why is she so angry at me, but I think that goes against what i'm trying to accomplish. I think she still loves me and at times she says when we are calm she's confused on what she wants to do. I've separated my bank accounts because I want her to know that this is serious and I'm not going to put up with the disrespect, which I think may have made her even angrier. If there is something I can do that will help I will do it for our family, but I'm afraid she is in a fog with the OM and thinks it's a better option for her. I don't know if she will see it for what it is, or maybe I should let it go.
I look forward to the insight of the wonderful people on this forum, the last couple of days I have gain so much awareness from your expereinces.
