Sara, You must be exhausted. From the outside it seems like you need paid help in the evenings and more help in general. Perhaps your husband isn't reacting to your changes not because he doesn't notice but because he's depressed or unhappy in this stage of life and doesn't know what to do about it. Perhaps you can work on showing empathy to him and validating how you think he must be feeling. It's so hard to know what your day-to-day interactions with him are like. If you describe them in more detail then maybe we can comment, but even then we're only reacting to your side of the story.
There's always the chance that your husband is having another affair, but hopefully not. Maybe he's ashamed of how he's acted in the marriage and doesn't know how to express himself.
It doesn't seem like divorce is the answer. That's what I raised to my husband after I was sure there was no hope and now that's what he wants, and now I don't want it. I never wanted a divorce. Maybe you need a separation for a while. Or, maybe you need to do more to show your husband that he's worth fighting for. Maybe you need to encourage him more. Flatter him, tell him how great he is for every little thing he's done.
I guess you've tried all that already, right? I just don't know, but you at least need to be separated before you can feel that divorce is what you want.
