What is cheating? Infidelity? Adultery? Waywardness?

All of this is MORE than harming an R it is abusive and invalidating

Your spouse breaks your confidence

They discuss you behind your back with friends, relatives, Co workers. Instead of discussing issues with you they discuss them with others. They break your confidence and subtly others attitudes towards you change.

People you cared about go cold on you. These are neverositive discussions.

In due course these things may be said in front of you as if you aren't there. It's bewildering as much of it is slanted and biased. Confidentiality infidelity destroying trust and open R.

They gamble and spend their funds and joint funds


without permission or discussion. Who knows how much time money and other resources are going on these activities. This is your future, your kids education and wellbeing in retirement. And it is disloyal and it matters. This makes life insecure and of itself is enough to say D. My own personal view is that there is nothing worse for fin destruction than compulsive gambling and in D the remaining assets get split. A compulsive gambler is a poor parent putting their addiction before their children. If they are the provider a great chunk goes to their habit and if they are the carer less goes to the kids.
There is no winning, get out of the M fast. The G gambled 820k in sterling in 4 years, and then was awarded a chunk of my assets because he had no money. Don't fool yourself whatever is left will be split in two despite the other having wasted cash, in fact if you say they are a compulsive gambler then you have agreed they have nothing. You are better saying they hid the money.

They may also spend on things not needed to impress family friends and strangers!

If you wish to R fine but fin risk is enormous and this is weakness of the worst kind. It's not like alcohol drugs or food where you can see the effects, behavioural addictions gambling and porn and OP are often covert and the compulsive will do anything to stay in action. Financial infidelity destroying the foundations of security.

decides for both of you

Such as no children, no holiday, moving house. The G decided he would have a new car, we would sell the big house. We would do this, we would do that......
When I objected then I was not a 'we' person. But unless I agreed with every decision the G made or every opinion he had I was not a 'we' person. I had to agree with every little controlling thought or rule.

Not listening to the other is invalidating them. It is selfish infidelity.

Everything is more important in their life

Oh yes, jobs, events, sports, hobbies, addictions come first. Frankly if that's what someone wants to do that's fine, just stay single. They wish to achieve above all else, above their spouse or children? That's leaving the other feeling cheated, after all the vows do say above all. The spouse who is doing it all will feel really cheated. That's time and focus infidelity.

They don't contribute

When the chips are down, they aren't there. The kids are ill? No concern.
Dealing with a parent with dementia? Gone to golf thank you or deep in another work project. Laziness in dealing with important stuff. That's time infidelity.

Don't keep secrets

Your personal things are no longer confidential. Failed an Exam? Had an emotional event? Gut rot? Embarrassing event? Drunk driving? Ran over a deer? Photograph you want kept quiet?

The G posted some photos of me on FB which I had no idea he had. They were mine from before I even met him. This was after we were S. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

These things are no longer yours to disclose or not. Everything about you is for public consumption and jollity. That's further confidentiality infidelity.

They have secrets

Friends you don't know, they go places you have never heard of. They spend on things you don't know. I am not talking thoughts here which are their business not yours but behaviours. Actual actions. The G had a 'casual' friend he visited, a POW. I blew the gaff on him discovered he had taken days off work and spent the day at her home, smoking gambling, drinking and seducing.

Everyone has some secrets from their spouse of course, but big holes in their lives is completely unacceptable.

This is trust infidelity.

If your spouse is doing any of the above then it's infidelity and waywardness. If you are doing any of these stop! Disloyalty to your spouse is the worst of all. This shows indifference to you and your children and your M.

V

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW