Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 12, D on hold

[PsySara]

I don't know, I am not really feeling loved by my husband. Rather I feel he tolerates me and on a good day he may actually act like he likes me. But overall he remains the same person despite the few times he promises to give me what I need in this marriage. I am realizing that I continue to settle for crumbs in hopes of somehow saving this marriage.

I continue to work on myself but the resentment builds and builds. He comes home from work, grunts at me and barely engages. He's returned to simply criticizing whatever he perceives as a deficiency and barely acknowledges all I do in the house. I do all the housework, 90% of the child care in the evenings and keep up on all the basic stuff. I keep myself attractive and smelling good, meanwhile he falls asleep on the couch, or the spare bedroom floor and just mopes about. I've tried approaching him gently on how alone and sad I feel about this chasm between us but he basically sits with his eyes closed and mumbles some responses.

It's getting to the point where I can't even feel bad about divorcing this man. I feel relief when I think about no longer wondering when the other shoe is going to drop. I feel a weight lift when I think about no longer having to "fake it till I make it." I can start having friends and family over, something I have avoided because he does not like having visitors.

Tonight I took care of everything by myself and WH worked late, something he's been doing a lot of. He demanded why I didn't text him and tell him I didn't cook dinner. This is weird because he will either eat late or text me on the way home to see if dinner is here or if he needs to pick something up. I feel like he is looking for reasons to yell at me. He griped at me a few minutes after I showed him a sweatshirt I bought for him as a surprise. I felt really hurt and angry. I am pouring my heart and soul into this marriage and he returns a tepid response at best. I have a timeline in my head, I will simply drop the hammer if that deadline comes and he is still acting like this. I think if I finally green light the divorce there is NOTHING he can do or say to turn my mind around.