Fighting my way out of the dark - Part 8

[Holding]

Regarding TO, I have been wondering too... Last I recall, she was dealing with the hurricane in Florida... I think... A while back Leahsue had commented that she was worried that she had not heard from her...

I think it was TO who actually met up with someone else here IRL, but I don't remember who that was. Maybe Leahsue? The reason I thought about TO in the first place was I remember her WH found her copy of DB at the house. I don't recall much fallout from that in her sitch, but I could be wrong.

Regarding reading your threads, if our XW's are trying so hard to get away from us, why would they cyber stalk us?

Well, you're using a logical mindset here, which I can tell you, doesn't apply to my XW. She can't stand it when other people think badly of her. A few years ago, she had a falling out with a friend, cut all contact with her, and blocked her on social media. Then a year later she tried to unblock the ex-friend, just to see what was going on in her life. She didn't want to re-connect with the friend, she was just nosy. Curiosity will get the better of her again. Unfortunately, I think she'll use my kids as her spies. Poor guys.

Random stuff:

I met with my IC yesterday. My new insurance situation has made the price for this double, so I'll probably have to cut back a bit on going. I do feel like I'm starting to leave the tunnel I've been in since BD. I mostly talked about issues relating to the kids. I miss the family unit and the comforts of married life. I don't find myself missing XW, except for the physical aspect. I really struggle to come up with happy memories of our R. But that may be the result of where I am mentally, at the moment.

I realize commitment and loyalty are major parts of my personality. For those who've been following my sitch and wondering why I stuck it out with XW for so long, those traits are the reason. It all boils down to the fact that I made a promise - "Till death do us part". If she hadn't filed, I might have stuck it out until we died old and miserable.

It's tempting to look at my sense of commitment and loyalty as the reason this happened. It's tempting to want to do a 180 on those traits. But that just feels wrong, and it would turn me into an a$$hole. These are good traits and I just need to be a lot more selective in applying them. I shouldn't let a bad person turn me into one too.

I find I do a lot of monologuing when I'm at the house by myself. It helps me clear my head and dump the remaining negativity somewhere.

Once the D is final, I guess I'll be moving on to the "Surviving the Big D" forum, but I'll still check in on the Newcomers forum.