Hi Rottz, just checking in to see how you are....it sounds like you are still making great progress w/H, it is just so hard when we WANT IT NOW!! isn't it?
I know how hard the weight loss deal is. I've kind of plateaud, not been able to work out much the last 2 weeks, not as careful w/my diet, and I've got to get going again. I found limiting carbs to be the secret....I swear I cant lose an ounce even on low fat diets if I don't. I try to limit myself to only "miminally processed" carbs, and a minimum amount of those. My Dr. likes the "Zone" diet, but I've found it kind of complicated. She suggested "reducing but not eliminating" carbs, so......that's what I've been doing. In one of the small town papers we subscribe to here at work, there's a syndicated column by a Dr. Gott, and he advocates a "no sugar, no flour" diet which is simple and many people seem to swear by it....so I'm trying to keep that in mind. basically it leaves you fruits, veggies, and protein foods.... If I ever get skinny again I will post before and after pics here!!!!I mean in the bb, not your thread, LOL! Hang in!!!! You've come a long ways w/H
H said that it is fun to come home to a happy, bouncy W. So, last night I was happy and bouncy when he came home. He was so stressed. Just angry at nothing all day. He never contacted me all day, and I just left him alone. He says he just didn't feel like talking to anyone all day. I got him to relax about 70% and he was feeling OK by bed. Gave me a kiss on the head before I went to sleep.
Just an OK day, nothing else to report.
This is such a huge difference from when every day for us was a fairy tale of love and joy and devotion. But, I have to keep remembering that it is also a huge difference from the times recently where we were almost in D court. So, I will take this over then. But I want the old R back. Parts of it, anyway. The good parts. H and I know how to love each other, it was the every day stress that got in our way.
That's one thing I think I am learning is how to manage my stress better. It's helping. One of the best things I ever did.
Happy high PMA day everyone.
Daily wt report - down 1 lb - probably water weight. I think I will keep my progress online so I am kept honest, huh?
Just stopping by to say "Hi" Rottz. I have to keep reminding myself "2 steps forward, 1 step back" in everything from my M to losing weight. not an easy thing to keep in mind, is it? But I think it's so applicable to all of us. And you are so right about how far your M has come! you are getting amazing results, IMHO, so you are obviously doing something absolutely right!
Feeling down. Why? Don't know. Feeling like I am stagnant.
Wish I didn't feel like this. Have to get my PMA on before going home to H.
Here goes (tries to squeeze out a smile... ummm ummm hmmmph!) Nope - too hard.
Sigh.
Darn-it all! You silly H, kiss me for goodness sakes. I won't burn your lips. I promise.
Why won't his heart come back to me?
I'm switching gears. Don't know what else to do. Going out with friends this Friday night. Going shopping to pick up a hot little outfit and going to stay out very late. It made me feel good when H paid attention to what I was doing back when I went out those few times.
I hear you Rottz, I'm in the same exact spot/mood right now. about the going out....nah, it's not bad dbing....remember the mantra: try something different and see how it works! hang in.....tomorrows another day!
That's great dbing. Remember ...get a life... add a little mystery...try something different...repeat what works! Don't pursue...let him come to you!
Simple sayings but powerful plans of action....go out, look hot, and come home looking sexy and satisfied...but then tell him how much you wish he could have been with you or tell him you'd have liked to have danced with him...how about a horizontal mambo in bed to make up for the lack of time on the dance floor? LOL He may just RISE to the occaison!
Last night, H and I watched an hour of the marriage breakthrough tapes. H was falling asleep so I stopped it. He actually pouted. He wanted so badly to please me and watch more, but I told him we would do it later, that sleep is important also. He said we will watch more tonight.
Before watching, I was in a grumpy mood. H did what he could to bring me out of it. Hugging me lots. It was so nice. I let him know several times that he was my knight who had saved me from a grumpy night. That he cheered me up like no one else could. He smiled at me many times.
This a.m. he got up before we could ML. He was running late, and took his shower. I began crying because of built up stress and disappointment. He came out and surprised me. I tried to hide it but he saw my face and held me for a very long time.
I wrote him an email explaining that PT is my LL and I really need to be near him to feel loved. That when he withholds himself from me it kills me inside. Yes, I said that, because it's true. It's not that he doesn't have a drive, he just takes care of himself. Which I don't agree with in a M where the other spouse is ready and willing. He says it just takes less time and he doesn't have to worry about pleasing me. I told him to get over his adolescent ego. Sometimes it's just about being physically close for me and I don't always have to have an O. I copied an article from themarriagebed.com about masturbation in a M.
I pray that he takes this to heart and changes his actions. I plan to talk to him about it tonight during our date night.
I am going to bring up the fact that he (for many years) would try to wake me in the middle of the night to ML and I would push him off. Well, what I didn't realize then -he and I are both guilty of doing things over and over that don't work. Hopefully, that will be something that we can change. So, if he tried to wake me and I pushed him off because subconsciously I didn't know why he was waking me up and I just wanted sleep, whose fault is it? I guess there is no blame here. But, I want to teach him that I didn't want to reject him, it was just that his approach didn't work. If he tried something different, his (and my) needs would have been met. Rather than try to get me in the mood while I am sleeping, perhaps he should have gently woken me up and then tried to ML. In my waking state, I never would have turned down ML.
I also said (in my email) that for years I felt rejected and undesirable because I thought he didn't want to ML with me. To find out that he satisfies himself almost every day, it hurt me more than anything he's ever done. Maybe that was bad, I don't know, but it was the truth and I thought he should know it. I gained weight because I thought he didn't care what I looked like. I got huge and ugly (how I felt about myself) because I thought it didn't matter anyway.
So, to recap, H is trying, I can see it. I don't know if his heart is still closed or not. He held me tenderly to comfort me this morning, and he hugged me enthusiastically last night to cheer me up. He is trying to make me happy, and he does. I want him to know that he is succeeding in making me happy.
My cainercast says...Wednesday, 19th May 2004 The question is not 'can you do it'. The answer to that is; very probably, you can. You've got a lot of talent, wit and experience. The question, though, is 'should you?' You are feeling tempted to let the world see just what you're capable of. But your desire to prove something may be causing you to forget what it is that you actually want to achieve. The wisest way to proceed today is with caution. It's not that you're likely to fail, just that you're in danger of having the wrong kind of success.
So, maybe I won't tempt him by going out this weekend. H loves to be with me and our closeness is growing - maybe this is the way our M will heal. With kindness and loving actions, not me producing feelings of jealousy in him.
I have to think about this. H knows that other men want me. Does he really need to be reminded of it constantly? At what point will he just say "enough" and stop caring? I don't want to push that.
Hi Rottz, just stopped by to catch up while I'm taking a break here at work. I know things arent where you want them to be, but can I just whine a little bit and say I'm jealous.....If my H would ml in the morning and take me out, I think I would faint from happiness........sigh
Honestly, I know it seems to take forever, but I can sure see progress in your sitch. Isn't it interesting how sometimes it's so hard to see how we're doing ourselves?
LOL