Given this new information, should I reach out to her to have her pick up the rest of her stuff from our house? She still has several things here she needs to pick up.
I read Sandi's post about WW and that you need to exhibit tough love. I'm not sure if that applies here or not.
M:2.5 T:8 H:31 W:27 S:12 BD:1/4/2018 W Moved Out: 1/8/2018 OM Confirmed: 2/19/18
No. You dont need to contact her. If you want to box it up and get it out of the way, thats fine. I would not react based on anything you saw yesterday.
I'm very sorry about your latest revelation -- when people want out of a relationship there's a tremendous amount of fear that comes with that decision. Often another person, or even the thought of another person, can help to alleviate some of those fears. This is a symptom, not a cause, its a distraction.
Do your best to avoid rationalizing reasons for you to reach out to her. Give her space, head the other way, be the better man and the prize to be won.
Acc
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Amoafwl and Accuray, thank you. It's incredibly difficult for me to deal with, but I will do my best to walk the other way. You never imagine that the person you love most would hurt you in this way, but at the same time I guess they are the only person capable of doing so.
Right now I'm avoiding thinking about her distraction because you're right, it is a symptom and not the cause.
M:2.5 T:8 H:31 W:27 S:12 BD:1/4/2018 W Moved Out: 1/8/2018 OM Confirmed: 2/19/18
I'm really struggling with trying to detach. She's constantly in my head throughout the day no matter what I do. I had therapy yesterday and my therapist suggested my wife may have Borderline Personality Disorder.
She informed me that in those relationships the attachment is higher than normal, as well as the affection, emotions, etc. She said that divorces from a spouse with BPD are much harder than normal because of how high they elevate you.
M:2.5 T:8 H:31 W:27 S:12 BD:1/4/2018 W Moved Out: 1/8/2018 OM Confirmed: 2/19/18
it will take awhile to get her out of your head, she was a big part of your life and you are used to having her there, knowing what she is doing...
The best thing you can do right now is GAL. I quickly scanned your thread, but don't remember seeing what you are doing to GAL. There was nothing that helped me more than just getting outside, walk, ride bike, jog, whatever, Nature is a natural stress reliever.
Also, I think I saw that you are still in your house.. One of the toughest times for me was evenings alone, you might be well served to use that time working on your house. It can be small things like repainting, or reorganizing everything, whatever. It will allow you to do something when home alone, rather than just veg on the couch in despair.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
I'm really struggling with trying to detach. She's constantly in my head throughout the day no matter what I do.
Its been 3 weeks since BD. Dont beat yourself up over a detachment yardstick. Its hard and its slow and it certainly isnt always linearly moving forward.
The best way I found to get my ex out of my head was to do other things which filled my head instead. For me, that was heavy strategy board games. For you, it could be tennis or meditation or reading or who knows what. But I think something that brings your focus away is always a good thing. I found too often that just 'going to the bar with a friend' was an excuse to talk about my sitch. The longer you go without thinking about her, the less you will find yourself thinking about her.
Originally Posted By: apothem
I had therapy yesterday and my therapist suggested my wife may have Borderline Personality Disorder.
She informed me that in those relationships the attachment is higher than normal, as well as the affection, emotions, etc. She said that divorces from a spouse with BPD are much harder than normal because of how high they elevate you.
Shrug. How does that HELP you? Whether she has it or not, the work falls on to your shoulders.
