Former WH, now LBS Please Help, close to Give Up

[betheoa]

Sandy, i will continuation to answer and comment your post. (i will try to write as clear as possible, my English obviously is not enough, to explain my self understandable)

She can have a friendship with OM, or a M with you, but she cannot have both. Anytime a woman chooses a friendship over her own H.......I promise you it is an affair of some type. What woman in her right mind would choose just a casual friend over keeping her H? It is absurd. However, she may have to be convinced she is really losing her H, and everything she benefits from the MR..........before she comes to her right senses about OM. Are you prepared to go the distance?

Yes Sandy i am prepared, i want to change the life i have. The status quo smack me (mentally)

I was confused about the whole sport's thing. Is your son playing in this sport, or are you and W and son going to watch someone else play a sport? Is the OM your son's coach?

2 months ago, my wife start martial art (in my opinion to impress OM2), with the kids, i join my self as well. My question is should i go with them when it is possible or, try to avoid be together (and miss to be with the kids). OM2 is not involved in this sport activities.

Late from what? Work? GAL? I don't understand what you mean.

Normally i my schedule is pretty constant (predictable), after work i use this time to read/write on the forum, so i go home late then normal. My W notice, and ask occasionally. So my question was: Should i use every opportunity, to be not at home? About GAL my except my sport activates martial art (3 to 5 times a week), i do not have more GAL. Leave home 6.30Am - come Home in bast case 5.30 PM. My W, take kids to/from school, weekends i look after kids, if/when my wife is on work.

Are you referring to you going out to Get a Life? If so, you give vague answers without giving her details.

this i have understand. My point was, If/when My W start R/M talks, and ask when i will leave and stay at other place (aka separate), or what i am thinking about how we will leave from now on. In the past, after thought conversation (days/week later), and she is calm down, she start asking this, that because i do not discus what i am thinking and what i will do.

Tell her one time that you will not live in an open M. Tell her one time she is being disrespectful to you and the M when she has private friendships with other men. It is not appropriate. You will not be disrespected by her texting/reading messaging and giving any type of attention to OM.

I already told this, when wrote here for first time. So i think there is not reason to do it again (in the past i have said this many times). So this have to stop, saying something and doing nothing.

Then, the very next time she ignores you and texts or reads his messages........you will need to do some type of action that shows her (but, with no acts of violence) the consequences for disrespecting you. Can you do that? If not, then there is no reason to ever open your mouth, b/c she already has you whipped like a dog.

Unfortunately, i do not have any other option to make consequences, than leave the house for logger time. Other option is to silent treatment her?...Now i respond to her very short and civil, do not pay any affection and/or attention, no cals, no text, not nothing. Just bills, grocery and kids related things.

Am I saying you need to be ready to physically separate? Yes, I am. Otherwise, you will live in an open M and be disrespected. It's your decision. Sure, you can try smashing her phone, and things of that nature.......but I doubt it will have much affect on her behavior. Telling her to get her things and find some other place to stay......may be more effective. You won't financially support her, either. If she doesn't want to act like a M woman, then she should not benefit from the M. Make sense?

She stated that she will not leave without the kids, so true her out is not the option. Other way is I am leaving. So any suggestion if/when i do this, what to say to the kids?? They will ask. I can lay them that i will have work for week or months. This is really bothering me.

Tell her you don't want the woman she has become, and tell her to get her things and leave.

In my case, i am leaving.

Do you understand those same signs indicate her conniving, lying, and deceitful ways? She says she wants peace, but she really only wants you out of the way. So......don't validate this, or ask her if she wants to talk about it........and for God's sake don't ask what you can do to make her feel better. It is not your job to make a cheater feel better.

Sandy - This was in the past. How i am just listen (not like poppy), or leave.

What do you mean she is very glad to punch you? Why are you asking so many questions about what to say or how to respond to a woman who enjoys hurting you? This tells me you have been much too weak in showing that you will not allow her to treat you so badly. People will not respect you if you let them bully you. This is especially true in marriage. Start showing her you are a strong man who will no longer put up with her. Once you really decide you have had enough of her disrespectful treatment........you won't have to ask anyone what you should do.

I am asking Sandy, because i want to know exact your opinion. Your approach is far stronger than other advice here and there. And because your are first one who told me that i deserve to have good life with my wife, after what i have done. I am starting to go out of my gilt fog (former cheater) - thanks to that.

Do you know why you are asking now? You are really wanting someone to tell you how you can remain a Beta male, keep your nice guy syndrome.......and still get your WW to love and respect you.

Not relay Sandy, i have been told this many times...and i ended up here waiting you respond to my question, because i have tried in last 5 years almost every thing, except to man up and say No More, i want from now on faithful wife and all other thing that are related in good marriage and i am wiling to give the same.

Sandy, you thought in my stitch are not waste of time, i am promise this.


So here i want to vent:

My WW told her GF that she do not want talk to me becouse she is offend by my behavior. She told to GF and GF sported, that is i ask her polite to not contact OM2 the result would be different, but i confront her all behavior, and how i want to control her and so on...
My WW and GF suspected me that i have OW, and because of this i want to stay late after work or sport activities. My WW told GF that there is non sense in my behavior (wont to not be disrespected and have good R as men women), that my wife did not do anything wrong (aka cheating).
Then my wife told the GF that when i leave will stay out 2-3 months with OW, then i will see how much my WW was giving me, and will go back. My WW was asking GF, what i will gain from OW, what she will give me more than my W.
Then my WW start explaining that she do not want any mans in her life. After/if/when we separate ( me leaving the home) she do not want no one to mess in her life (she will have her kids, work and peace) so why some one to mess her life.
She stated that she will not allow me to threatened her with my leaving or any consequence, if i do not like her behavior and especially after i hurt her so much in the past, and hearing her now as much by offending her as cheater and so on.

My WW look like a very stubborn person with huge Ego.
Here i must add (i my WW teenage years she was sexually abused ones) so her perception of the sex is for something that she will not give to no one any more (because she has suffer so much from sex her incident in the past, than so many years sex starving marriage (to make sex with my as duties) and in the end i hurt her by cheating because of sex)
Thanks