I feel we did learn a lot about ourselves during our relationship, however I do agree about having a lot of adulthood thrust upon us.
Im sure you learned a lot about each other and yourselves. But Im talking about what makes a good relationship (and not just the hokey stuff on facebook). My point is that likely neither of you have had a significant number of failed relationships to identify what behaviors are normal, whats OK, whats not OK, what you need to improve, and so on. Now is a good time to look back and take stock and understand what you did that helped wedge you two apart. You gave some examples - now is a good time to look into those to identify the underlying reasons for those behaviors.
For example, you asked her how she would feel telling people she worked at a grocery store when shes 40. How do YOU feel about it? How does that impact your opinion of her? How do you contribute to the home that has her in that position? If you were back together, how would those things be different? And so on...
Originally Posted By: apothem
I've been hanging out with friends very regularly, exercising, and looking to take up some new activities. I'm interested in ice skating so I can play in an adult hockey league with a friend of mine.
Sounds good....keep it up!
Originally Posted By: apothem
As far as an affair, I honestly have never considered it as there just haven't been any signs. She was never secretive with me or anything. She did mention to me several times after she dropped the bomb that she has been thinking about this divorce for a few months and was actively searching for apartments. However, she is not in a good enough financial place right now to afford one which is why she's living with her parents.
Hmmmm...I still have my doubts. But thats purely just based on my experiences here and not on anything you said. Keep in mind, it could be completely imaginary - a fantasy based on a movie or tv or a book or whatever. Unless there is a lot of other things you arent telling us, it would be odd to see a woman just walk away and give up at this age without some other reason.
Part of me thinks that at 27, she had no plans to be a full time mom of a teenage boy. Of course she is going to want what is best for you and your son, but that is a heavy load to take on as a young woman. A lot of people her age are likely settling in and starting a family or in a phase where they arent even thinking about kids yet - not elbows deep in the throes of raising a pubescent boy.
Originally Posted By: apothem
I truly think something inside of her broke after the comments I made, especially when she has toyed with the idea of having a disorder.
Look, I dont think it was this comment or that comment. I am sure it was a much longer term than that. I always look back and picture my relationship with my ex like a lake that froze from the bottom up. Every small hurt that I did caused the lake to freeze a little more and a little more. I may have seen little places here and there where the surface froze, but in general, I thought things were pretty good right up until the whole thing froze solid (BD). Maybe that one last thing I said or did triggered the BD...but it came about because of a long series of mistreatment and hurt.
I wonder if you look back at your relationship through that lens what you will see. Like I described above, how did you feel about your W that caused those comments?How were those feelings expressed in other ways?
