Of course she is cherry picking. It's not crazy. She wants it all. Who wouldn't? My WAW tried to do that with the my niece's wedding and the holidays. It was a rude awakening to her that she wasn't welcome, but that didn't change anything either.
I think the bottom line is if you act in an honorable, respectful way, while still looking out for your interests, you'll be able to know you've done everything you could, to the best of your abilities, even if it doesn't work out in the end.
Jim, I think this is one of the best responses I've received -- full of wisdom and I agree. My W is a major cake-eater and wants to keep all the good things about the MR and discard the bad (which at this point other than her telling me she no longer loves me, I'm not sure what was bad anymore).
In my case, and this particular instance, I think asking her to cancel was the right thing for me. I didn't want to play happy couple entertaining guests in front of our mutual friends. I also did not like her presumption that she could make plans for us as a couple. I told her we no longer speak for each other as a couple. I texted the four friends (two couples) who were going to come over that I was sorry and explained I just couldn't sit around the dinner table having a good time when earlier in the day I was with a lawyer about the D. The friends all understood.
When I got home I could tell my W was pissed. She didn't say anything about the dinner, but she asked if I would be available this week to go to the bank so she could take my name off the joint account. I told her I was available, but I wasn't going to do that. Something else for her to be angry about.
Later at crossfit, she was super enthusiastic, I think trying too hard to show she's happy. Afterwards, we ate with my girls as a family the dinner she planned to share with our friends. The conversation was mostly about school stuff with the kids, but I did say aloud how good the dinner was . I couldn't help myself. The W was not amused and didn't acknowledge the compliment. She went to bed early on the couch telling me the day didn't go well for her.
. I couldn't help myself. The W was not amused and didn't acknowledge the compliment. She went to bed early on the couch telling me the day didn't go well for her.
